Broken

I've never done well with broken things. Ever since I was a child. The face of the broken doll or the sight of a broken toy, would give me a tight feeling in my stomach and a strange grief. Especially if I was the cause of the damage. Although the object would be inanimate, the brokenness seemed like a kind of death. I would want to fix it. And more often then not, I couldn't on my own. "Fix it Mommy!" - and rarely would it be possible. Not with out some scar or evidence of the brokenness, a mocking reminder of the wholeness there had been before. I saw a lot of brokenness in my most recent trip to Haiti. I learned a lot about it too. It was a recurring theme. The reality of horrific damage was not to be compared to pictures. The sight of huge, broken, concrete buildings still sitting, silent and tomb-like where they collapsed on themselves, gave me that flip-flop same feeling in my stomach and shudders down my spine. Broken buildings, broken lives, broken bodies...and broken hearts. It's a funny thing about broken hearts. It can be a good thing - or it can be bad. Sometimes things happen to us that can't be helped or changed. Like a catastrophic earthquake...or a small, personal silent grief - nonetheless, the effects can break your heart. But then there is the brokenness that we sometimes inflict upon ourselves. Sin has a way of doing that. Needless, agonizing grief that drives us and haunts us like a hound of Heaven, pricking us with thorny hedgerows, until we are at the mercy of the One whose heart broke for us. Then there is the brokenness that comes not from us, our actions, nor our outward circumstances. It is the working of the Holy Spirit... He who can rip out every hidden desire; break, expose and drag them screaming into the piercing searchlight of the Cross - where our choice is clear. Amazingly, when we inflict brokenness upon ourselves, God - the Redeemer that He is -can use that brokenness as though He planned it that way all along. For when has the weakness and frailty of man stopped that God, who makes all things beautiful in His time, and can work all things together for good? I know brokenness. I know the anger, and sick shame that follows sin. And I know the brokenness of love awakened, and denied. The grief of being denied your heart's desire because of a mistake you made. But to focus on that, to declare otherwise but God's goodness, would be to frustrate the amazing grace of God. "The Lord is nigh, unto them that are of a broken heart, and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit... (Psalm 34:18)...He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds...(Psalm 147:3)...Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven. Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted...(Matthew 5:3-4)...If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness...(I John 1:9)...How precious are thy thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them...(Psalm 139:17)...For I know the thoughts I think towards you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end...(Jeremiah 29:11)" What can separate us from the Love of God? More and more these few weeks has the concept, "unconditional" love, been made a reality. For nothing, absolutely nothing, can make Christ love us less - or set His sacrifice at naught. Not mistakes, not disobedience, not failings or fallings...though we often risk losing His blessing and His favor, His love remains the same. Deeper, stronger and more real than before. The Scripture is clear - "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and He delighteth in his way. Though he falls, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholdeth him with His hand." It's just that standing back up sometimes takes a while. Sometimes though, after falling, the wind that was knocked out of you, seems more fresh once you get back. The pathway that was getting monotonous, seems filled with more promise. Human mistakes cannot limit the power of God. As I quoted before, the same God who knows how to create beauty from ashes and bring all things together for good. But surrender is key. And that choice under the Cross, is when stubborn emotions and desires are released and strivings cease. And God tenderly takes the bruised and broken pieces of dreams, desires and heartstrings - "Fix them Abba, fix them!" - and makes us whole, clean, pure, without a scar or damage. Because He is a Restorer, and when He has ALL of the pieces, He can work miracles. No frantic tears, no more guilt and shame - never, ever acceptable companions of a saint - no more sneaking self-pity. Just calm breathing, peaceful contentment to be in the center of His will and care, a quiet joy and a Love. A love which gives liberty and licence to bear all things, believe all things, hope in all things, and endure all things. "Love watches, and sleeping slumbers not; weary, is not tired; straightened, is not constrained; frightened, is not disturbed; but, like a living flame and a burning torch, it bursts upwards and safely over-passes all!" - Thomas a Kempis