Prisoner of the Glass House

“Don’t throw stones” said the sage so well

“If in a house made of glass you dwell”

But a different tale I think he’d tell

If he’d been raised in my crystal hell.

WHERE…

I never felt a breath of wind

No rain, no snow, no sleet

Not even a pebble to stub my toe

No grass to stain my feet.

What secret sin could I commit

In this prison where every inch is lit

And the world can see every time I spit?

While an inch away my inquisitors sit

Peering into my prison of glass.

Prisoners all, through the walls we stare

Quick to judge and unable to share

With our hearts concealed and our actions bare

In our spotless palace of glass.

So our deeds eschew what our minds embrace

We dare not go where our feelings race

Shouting ‘TRUTH’, a path of lies we trace

And ‘holy’ we call the best poker face

In this twisted dungeon of glass.

Kept alone by walls we dare not break

Enslaved by chains that we will not shake

Entombing our hearts where the will not break

Immune to the love that we try to fake

Frozen fast in our cell blocks of glass.

In this sterile world, with its pristine curse

My charade grew better and my heart grew worse

Long prayers poured forth from a soul half dead,

My heart dreams crash round me, their wings made of lead.

But I helped build this prison myself.

Yet through our halls one man walked free

Blemished past laid bare for us all to see

Free to hug and to laugh, get annoyed, even cry

If this life was human, then zombie was I.

And TRAPPED in this prison of glass!

Of the touch of his God I heard him tell

And it tossed a rock through my crystal cell

A rock called hope touched my vacant shell

While around our heads, in shards it fell,

That hideous prison of glass!

So I told him my life’s tale in all its woe

Fear slave of the God I didn’t know

Choking back the emotion I couldn’t show

Dreaming of places I dared not go…

Yes, THIS was my prison of glass!

My ‘God’ was a bully who’d take me to task

His, a gentleman friend– whom I’d only need ask

And choking up sobs that for years I’d held bound

I begged ‘Him’ for whatever this friend of mine found.

And I felt rushing LIFE where before– only glass!

I sob, I laugh, I babble thanks

As walls collapse of rage and angst

My God– no more in black and white

In vivid colors, warmth and light.

My prison’s shattered– I have flown.

And if as we walk through this earthly veil

At an unseen wall you see me quail…

Rejoice when that relic I finally pass through.

To my newest found freedom raise your glass (or two).

For a ruin is all that remains today

Of my hideous prison of glass!

And if one day as I’ve left these shards

I meet one trapped in his house of cards

Then joy from my broken heart I’ll show

And a rock through his glass prison wall I’ll throw.

That the God who is LOVE

We can feel, we can know

I was once past feeling,

I know,

I Know!

Micah Kohler —7/21-8/09

You Never Let Go

"When clouds veil the sun, and disaster comes

Oh, my soul, oh, my soul

When waters rise, and hope takes flight

Oh, my soul, oh, my soul

Ever faithful, ever true

You, I know, You never let go

You never let go,

You never let go,

You never let go, You never let go,

You never let go

When clouds brought rain, and disaster came

Oh, my soul, oh, my soul

When waters rose, and hope had flown,

Oh, my soul, oh, my soul

Ever faithful, ever true

You I know, You never let go

You never let go

You never let go

You never let go, You never let go,

You never let go

Oh, my soul overflows

Oh, what Love, oh, what Love

Oh, my soul fills with Hope

Perfect Love that never lets go

In Joy and Pain, in sun and rain

You're the same, You never let go

In Joy and Pain, sun and rain

You're the same, You never let go

You never let go, You never let go."

- David Crowder

Carried to the Table

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His Love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord
Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

I was carried to the table

Seated where I don't belong

Carried to the table

Swept away by His Love

And I don't see my brokenness anymore

When I am seated at the table of the Lord

I'm carried to the table

The table of the Lord.

 

You carried me, my God
You carried me!

Searcher of Spirits

Searcher of spirits,

Try Thou my reins and heart;

Cleanse Thou my inwards part -

Turn, overturn, and turn.

Wood, hay and stubble see

Now spread out before Thee;

Burn, burn.

Worker in gardens,

Dig around my hidden root,

Let branch, leaf, bud and fruit

Respond in quickening life.

Seek out the canker there -

Cut out and do not spare

Thy knife.

Savior of sinners,

Out of the depths I cry,

"Perfect me or I die -

Perfect me, O Patient One";

In Thy revealing light

I stand confessed - outright

Undone.

O to be Holy!

Thou wilt not say to me nay

Who movest me to pray;

"Enable to endure."

Spiritual cleansing Fire,

Fulfill my heart's desire;

Make pure.

- Amy Carmichael

Seek the LORD

"Seek the LORD while he may be found; Call upon him while he is near." Isaiah 55:6

My current Bible study in the book of Isaiah has now landed me in the 54th and 55th chapters of Isaiah. These chapters are full of beautiful words which paint soul-shattering promises of God's everlasting LOVE.

The question on my study of this verse asked: "How does one seek and call on the Lord?"

I didn't really like this question - perhaps it is too simple sounding, too direct. The first one-word answer that popped into my head was, "Prayer." But that is too easy. There must be more to the answer. I thought of the verses about salvation found in Romans 10:

"For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved...For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:10, 13

But I realized that these verses, do not answer the question. They only expound of the need of man to call upon God for salvation.

So how does one call upon God?

I thought that maybe the answer would be in the word. Maybe God made it clear what He meant in the word He used. So I looked up the Hebrew word used in this Isaiah passage for "Call."

And I was amazed.

In this world and age of technology and instant communication, the English word "call" does not carry much weight. The casual use of cellphones, laptops, Ipods and pagers doesn't leave much room to the imagination. But this Hebrew word fills in the gaps. The literal meaning is something in the sense of "accosting someone." To follow, pursue...frantically, loudly, desperately.

My mind went instantly to the story of the blind beggar found in Luke 18:35-43.

This beggar called upon Jesus from the dusty, dirty alley in which he sat - inhabiting every sense of the Hebrew word found in Isaiah 55:6.

He called out to Jesus while He was near and passing by...this beggar who was overcome with a debilitating condition. All of his life he had felt the warmth of sunshine, and never seen the brilliance of it's light. He had heard voices, angry and annoyed, but never seen the smile of a stranger. He was hopeless...helpless. Yet, here was One who could help him. One whose fame he had heard of.

And he had one chance.

Creating a din, this man did everything he could to get Jesus' attention. All around him, crowds of people tried to silence him - rebuking him for his annoyance and his disrespect. But not caring what others thought or felt or said, this man screamed and yelled and called for Jesus. He accosted him, knowing he may never find this Man again, if he did not get His attention now. For here was help and salvation and healing. He could not let it pass him by.

And Jesus stopped.

He did meet this man's need.

He brought healing and help and salvation.

And sunshine and a smile.

Because that's what He wants to do. He wants us to need Him desperately - to realize that we have a need that only He can meet - a disease only He can heal. And He knows when we realize that...nothing in hell or earth can stop us from seeking Him...calling to Him. To throw ourselves at His feet in rest and worship.

Even apart from salvation, He still wants to meet those needs. Those everyday battles that rip and gnaw and wound. That threaten with encroaching darkness and blindness. To shut out sunshine and joy. But He is here. To carry those sorrows He has already carried and our oppression for which He was already afflicted. He wants us to know what He means to carry a light, easy burden. To live the abundant life He suffered for.

And He is there. Passing by...

Accost Him.

"For a brief moments I deserted you, but with GREAT COMPASSION I will gather you. In overflowing anger for a moment I hid my face from you, but with EVERLASTING LOVE I will have COMPASSION ON YOU," says the LORD, your REDEEMER.

Isaiah 54:7-8

The Voice of Truth

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER and of LOVE and of a SOUND MIND."
II Timothy 1:7

Pray for Japan

Is your heart breaking? A catastrophic earthquake has struck Japan.


Please, pray for the people of Japan...

The New Covenant

"Behold, the days are coming", declares the LORD, "when I will make a NEW COVENANT with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, not like the covenant that I made with her fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they BROKE, though I was their husband," declares the LORD. "But this is the COVENANT I will make with the house of Israel after those days," declares the LORD: "I will put my law WITHIN them, and I will write it on their HEARTS. And I will be their GOD and they will be MY PEOPLE....For I will FORGIVE their iniquity, and I will remember their sins NO MORE."

Jeremiah 31:31-34b

"And they will say, 'This land that was desolate has become like a GARDEN OF EDEN, and the waste, and desolate, and ruined cities are now fortified and inhabited.' Then the nations that are left all around you shall know that I AM LORD; I have REBUILT the ruined places and REPLANTED that which was desolate. I AM THE LORD; I have spoken and I WILL DO IT."

Ezekiel 36:35-36

And likewise the cup after they has eaten, saying, "This cup that is POURED OUT for YOU is the

NEW COVENANT IN MY BLOOD."

Luke 22:20

"Such is the confidence that we have THROUGH CHRIST towards GOD. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim ANYTHING as coming from us, but our SUFFICIENCY is from GOD, who made us competent to be ministers of the NEW COVENANT, not of the letter, but of the SPIRIT. For the letter KILLS, but the SPIRIT GIVES LIFE."

II Corinthians 3:4-6

"But as it is, Christ, has obtained a ministry that is much more EXCELLENT than the OLD COVENANT as the COVENANT HE MEDIATES is BETTER..."

Hebrews 8:6

Spring

I look at the muddy, brown, gray, dead, landscape around me and am tempted to think of the symbolism it gives me about state of my heart.

And then I am reminded of all of the life teeming beneath the surface of this world around me...the magic and mystery of spring. When water and sunlight collide and life emerges from a seemingly dead land.

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in your sanctuary, beholding your POWER and GLORY. Because your steadfast LOVE is better than life, my lips will praise you. So will I bless your name as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands." Psalm 63:1-4

Spring gives HOPE. The coming of spring after a long, hard winter is a classic illustrative metaphor. But sometimes our hearts need springtime too. Our hearts need HOPE.

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the ROCK that is higher than I, for you have been a refuge, a strong tower  against the enemy." Psalm 61:1-2

Hope is life. But this week, I was reminded of the fragility of life. Our hope is not here, but in eternal life. In our Isaiah Bible Study about God, we are learning about the MIGHT, POWER and SOVEREIGNTY of God. His absolute control of history and individual lives. In this week's study there was a question that stood out, "When is it acceptable to question God?" The appropriate and Biblical answer to that would be, "Never." But in my heart I wanted to write, "When there is the death of an innocent child." Because that's what our family has been unwilling witnesses to this week - the death of an innocent child. A tragic accident...ten minutes alone...the what ifs and maybes and the desire to go back and change the past. The intense emotions, the prayers, tears...we have participated in these as Believers in the Body of Christ should...but by the grace of Christ, it hasn't been us at the hospital all week receiving bad news from surgeons; it's not our pain or our tragedy.

Why?

New believers are like tender plants in spring time. Too much frost, too much sun, too much water, too much wind...all these can kill a small plant. And in spiritual warfare, when you are grappling with cold, hard realities like death, and wrestling with questions such as, "Why would you take my son?", it is like huge blasts of icy wind that can kill infant faith.

Or it can make you stronger.

Sometimes "old" Christians, can feel young. Not new or fresh...but weary, tender, vulnerable, weak...I look at another's pain and I wonder, "Why not me...US?" And I look at the state of my heart - my worries, my desires, my complaints, my wants...me, me, me, my, my, my...and am overwhelmed with acid disgust at my selfishness. My self-centeredness. My sins. My...my...my...

Your Righteouness.

Like light behind a cloud, I am reminded of something bigger then myself...stronger...more glorious...more agonizing...more passionate. And like the hot rays of the sun the TRUTH bursts forth in a song more ancient than Time, more fulfilling then LOVE or ANSWERS...

"I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like a mist; RETURN to me, for I HAVE REDEEMED YOU. SING, O Heavens, for the LORD has done it; SHOUT, O depths of the earth; break forth into SINGING, O mountains, O forest, and every tree in it! For the LORD has REDEEMED Jacob, and will be GLORIFIED in Israel." Isaiah 44:22-23

"HE has REDEEMED my soul from going down into the pit, and my life shall look upon the LIGHT." Job 33:28

"Break forth together into SINGING, you waste places of Jerusalem, for the LORD has comforted His people; he has REDEEMED Jerusalem." Isaiah 52:9

"Christ REDEEMED US, from the curse of the LAW..." Galatians 3:13

Death and life...winter and spring...this earth is a cycle. There is no end to suffering, sickness, death, depression, riots, lies, selfishness, idolatry, bloodshed, murder, ignorance, war, destruction...the list goes on and on...It is the universe we live in. Marred by sin. Eating away, trying to destroy us, destroy who we are and Who we stand in.

But we are not of this world.

We are not part of this cycle of death and sin...though it affects us deeply, painfully.

We are of Another Kingdom.

We have been given HOPE, the eternal Springtime of the heart. Through His life in us we have ABUNDANT LIFE, HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS, STEADFAST LOVE, HIS GLORIOUS LIGHT...all these things we walk in, bending low perhaps in the force of spiritual winds and battles, but not breaking. Not always getting our answers, or the answers we want - but confident in this very thing...He who began the GOOD WORK in us, WILL FINISH IT.

March on...march on. Singing as we go...

"THE LORD HAS REDEEMED US."

Prayer Request

"He hath never failed thee yet.

Never will His Love forget.

O fret not thyself, not let

Thy heart be troubled,

Neither let it be afraid."

- Amy Carmichael 

My heart is heavy today...reminders of the Sovereignty of God fill my heart, but I pray for her, who is suffering. O God, let it not be so!

Praying for little Jonah...

Valentine's Day

They say February is the month of Love. That is because February 14th, is Valentine's Day.

Generally, I hate Valentine's Day.

It's not my intention to always be detrimental - I know I display many dissenting opinions on my blog, and I try to have some reserve, despite how harder it it becoming to ignore the decay of American society. So given that most single people hate Valentine's Day, I should rephrase my opinion and say that I hate what Valentine's Day has become.

Valentine's Day is another one of those holidays, like Christmas and Easter, that has completely lost it's true meaning behind all of the commercialism. There are many people who don't know the true Christian meanings to Christmas and Easter, but many Christians aren't even aware of the Christian roots to Valentine's Day. Many think it is a day in celebration of love, while in fact it is become more like a day to guilt you into buying a gift for the one you love. But neither of these meanings are true. While the truth of Christmas and Easter have slowly decayed over time, the facts behind Saint Valentine's Day has been warped from almost the very beginning.

Early Christianity thrived in the pagan atmosphere of the Roman Empire. The very acts of persecution and
denigration meant to hinder the spread of Christianity, only served to encourage the spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as the blood of the martyrs watered the seeds that their Christlikeness planted in the hearts of their persecutors. And so the Church flourished...

The month of February is the second month of the year in the Julian and Gregorian calenders. It is named after the Latin term, februum, meaning purification, via the cleansing ritual of Februa, held on February 15, which acknowledged the coming of Spring. Februa is one of the several Roman festivals and rites that were held in the month of February. 

Valentine, (Valentinus) was a real man, who lived during this significant period of time for the Church, during the reign of Claudias II. History and tradition has blurred a little of the reality, and many historians believe that the traditional figure of Saint Valentine, revered by the Catholic Church, is a combination of several martyrs by that name. The most common belief is that Valentinus was a Christian priest, who secretly married Christian couples, who were forbidden to marry by law, in an effort to stop the advancement of Christianity. When he was caught, he was thrown in prison and tortured. He continued to share his love with those in his care, by sending letters to his brothers and sisters on Christ from prison. Another tradition says, that while in prison he fell in love with a young girl, who visited him in prison. She was the daughter of the jailer, and suffered from complete blindness. Supposedly, God enabled Valentinus to miraculously heal her, before his execution. His farewell letter to her was signed, "From Your Valentine". He was beheaded February 14th, either 269 A.D. or 270 A.D
Not very happy, true. Associating the day of Valentine's death, with a holiday celebrating Love and Marriage is really Geoffrey Chaucer's fault, using the legend of Saint Valentine combined with the original pagan holiday of spring to produce some Romantic/Christian/Pagan celebration in his writings. Very little people realize that February 14th, is more of a solemn remembrance to the martyrdom of a Christian saint, then a time to share flowers and jewelry and  chocolates with the one you love. None but Christ Himself, may ever know who the true Valentine was, and what he did and how he suffered. But it must have been great, if he is still so memorialized.

When I think of these things, and the true meaning and history of Valentine's Day, it is very sobering. But that doesn't mean that it is not cause for a celebration of some kind. Saint Valentine, whoever he truly was, showed True Love in his actions, his life and his death. It takes that perfect Love, that casts out fear, to die for your Christ. To bear all things, believe all things, hope all things and endure all things. (I Corinthians 13) The best, most beautiful, all-encompassing description of LOVE is given by Thomas a Kempis (1380-1471 A.D) in his book, "The Imitation of Christ." I read it and was prostrate. While Valentine's Day has become all about the gifts, instead of the gift of LOVE itself, Thomas admonishes us, "A wise lover regards not so much the gift of Him who loves, as the LOVE of Him who gives. He esteems affection rather than value and sets all gifts below the Beloved."

Remember the gift of TRUE LOVE...not just February 14th, but every day of the year.

"Love is a great thing, yea, altogether a great good; it makes light everything that is heavy, and it carries unevenly all that is uneven. For it carries a burden which is no burden (Matthew 11:30), and makes every bitter thing sweet and tasteful. The noble love of Jesus drives a man to do great things, and stirs him to always long for what is more perfect. Love wills to be on high, and not to be kept back by anything low or mean. Love wills to be free, and estranged from all worldly affection...

Nothing is sweeter than Love, nothing stronger, nothing higher, nothing wider, nothing more pleasant, nothing fuller or better in Heaven and earth; because Love is born of God (I John 4:7) and cannot rest but in God, above all created things. A lover flies, runs and rejoices; he is free and not bound. He gives all for all, and has all in all; because he rests in One highest above all things, from whom all that is good flows. He respects not the gifts, but turns himself above all goods unto the Giver.

Love oftentimes knows no measure, but is fervent beyond all measure. Love feels no measure, thinks nothing of labors, attempts what is above it's strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility; for it thinks all things are possible for itself and all things lawful. It is strong for all things, and it completes many things, and brings them to effect, where he does not Love faints and lies down. Love is watchful, and sleeping, slumbers not. Though wearied, it is not tired; though pressed, it is not straightened; though alarmed, it is not confounded; but as a lively flame and burning torch, it forces its way upward and securely passes through all. If any man Love, he knows what is the cry of this voice. For it is a loud cry in the ears of God, the ardent affection of the soul...

Love is swift, sincere, kindly affectioned, pleasant and delightful; brave, patient, faithful, prudent, longsuffering, manly and never seeking itself. (I Corinthians 13:5) For where a person seeks himself, he falls from Love. (I Corinthians 10:33; Philippians 2:21). Love is circumspect. humble, and upright; not yielding to softness, or to lightness, not attending to vain things. It is sober, chaste, firm quiet...

Enlarge me in LOVE, that in the inward palate of my heart I may learn to taste how sweet it is to LOVE, and in LOVE be dissolved and to bathe myself. Let me be bound by LOVE...let me sing the song of LOVE; let me follow Thee, my Beloved, on High..."

-Thomas a Kempis

HAVA NAGILA!

It started when my sister got home from her choir practice.

Actually, it started before that.

In case it hasn't been obvious from my blog, I'm getting really tired of winter. And cold. And snow. And ice. It's really easy to be depressed in the winter. The cold does strange things to your mind, like making you wonder if drowning is a really pain-free way to die...OK, so I'm not suicidal,but it is frightening because you can see how people with no hope or truth can despair.

But despair is a sin. And it happens. Even to the children of God, when that familiar demon perches on your shoulder and starts whispering. The children of Israel had very good reasons to despair in Isaiah. The prophet foretold that they would be captured by the king of Babylon and 130 years later, what God predicted happened. Imagine being seized from your homeland, made a slave in a foreign country where you were forced by threat of death, to worship false idols. You would be wondering if God remembered His promise to you. If He even remembered you...if He cared. But He had already ordained a means of escape, even before the tragedy occurred. He had Cyrus, king of Persia conquer Babylon and allow the Jews return to Jerusalem. All of these events were foretold 200 before they happened, and were planned far, far before in Eternity.

Because the Truth is, God never forgot the children of Israel. He comforted them and upheld with the right hand of His righteousness. His plans and visions for Israel never changed, even in the midst of discipline, because His relationship with them was a covenant relationship, and nothing, nothing no kings, or powers, or sin could ever change His steadfast LOVE. And still that remains today, because we are in a covenant relationship with God through Christ:

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the LOVE of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

Sometimes things seem worse than they are. But we always have this triumphal declaration to hold up above our heads..."MORE THAN CONQUERORS!"

So while contemplating these things, and the praise that the children of Israel offered God for their deliverance, my little sister came home from choir practice with a new song. Anna is learning, "Hava Nagila", a traditional Jewish song and dance of praise. She has been flitting around the house singing it and playing it on the computer for two days now, and try as hard as I can, I can't get it out of my head. But that's OK, because it makes me smile. I wonder how long this song as been around, and how long God's children have sung it in praise to Him. The words are:

Hava nagila, hava nagila, hava nagila v'nismeha

Hava neranenah, hava neranenah, hava neranenah v'nismeha

Uru, uru ahim! Uru ahim b'lev sameah!

Let's rejoice, let's rejoice, let's rejoice and be happy!

Let's sing, let's sing, let's sing and be happy!

Awake brothers! Awake brothers, with a happy heart!

If this song doesn't make you smile and want to dance, then there is something wrong with you!

LET'S REJOICE!

Mexico and Missions

"Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints." Psalm 116:15

This past week friends and family put Nancy Davis, age 59, to rest.

I don't know her. I never would have heard her name if she had not left this earth the way she did. But Nancy Davis and her husband Sam, were both missionaries to Mexico, where they had been serving God through the Mexican people for over 30 years. They planted churches, offered support, served and were dedicated to their call. As one friend told CNN, "They lived and breathed Mexico..."

Nancy Davis was shot in the head late January, by a Mexican drug cartel gunman. She died later that day.

This story has been on the news for the past week. In between reports from Cairo, reports on unemployment, and stories on the massive winter storm, FoxNews found a little air time to run this story on the brutal death of an American missionary. And it broke my heart. I pray for her family, and I pray those who loved her, and I pray for those who murdered her.

FoxNews used this story to make the point, yet again, on the danger of the U.S. and Mexican border. Although the Davises were shot at in their truck,  in the outskirts of San Fernando, the media always reminds us that Ciudad Juarez, is one of the most dangerous cities in the world right now. And when I hear that reminder, and stories like Nancy Davis' that show us serving the LORD is always a risk - I can't believe that I actually went on a mission trip to Juarez and had that opportunity from God. It is a memory I will always treasure. It is precious, sobering thing to be used of God.

So...inspired by all of the memories, I looked through my pictures from my Mexican trip, and decided to share some...

                                                                       The desert.

                   BPS - "Bearing Precious Seed", the name of the ministry taken from Psalm 126:6

I know the quality of this picture isn't very good, but the first night we were in El Paso, we climbed to the top of a mountain and looked out over the city lights of El Paso and Juarez and prayed for the cities. It is a special picture to me. Juarez is a city soaked in blood - but it needs the blood of Christ.

Assembling the Gospel of John and Romans in Spanish to hand out.

First day over the border: the minute Jon jumped out of the bus, he marched straight to these kids and handed out tracts.

Cody and a little Mexican kid...so, so, SO adorable!!! (uh, the kid...)

Listening to Bible stories and puppets

Mexican cemetery

Knocking on everyone's gate in this neighborhood sharing the Gospel and inviting everyone to the Preaching that night. We did that every afternoon. It was very common to see drunks, and people high (or low) on drugs wandering around. One group even came right in on a "deal." But they handed the dealer the Gospel anyway. One day, the small group I was with was walking with, were making our way up a small hill. Suddenly, from behind us a truck of Fedarales all dressed in black, with their faces covered, came roaring up behind us, passed us, and stopped at the top of the hill where there was an intersection. The soldiers jumped out and ran to the four corners of the streets with their huge guns. The guy I was with must have seen alarm on my face. He said, "Don't worry, they won't hurt us." I wasn't scared of them, it was the police for goodness sake! I was scared of whoever they were waiting for and scared of getting caught in some crossfire - thankfully, nothing happened. We walked right on past, and started on another neighborhood.

Some significant statue...but I don't remember why...

Shopping in the HUGE shopping center..."Looky! Cheap Mexican pillows...we're such smart shoppers!!"

Downtown Juarez

The border "plaque"...don't need to read it, just walk right on by!

This picture was taking coming back into the States on our last day. I wish I had some pictures of the Fedarales, but we weren't allowed to take pictures of the police or border agents because it's too dangerous for them. They are all targets of the drug cartels.

Horrible. Just horrible.

My friend, Eastlyn, loved the desert. She loved the dry, red, crumbling beauty of the Southwest. I agreed that there was beauty, in a way. But I prefer the green mountains of my Haiti.

But thank you God for answering a three year old prayer and allowing me to go to Mexico!

The Growth of Patience in the Soul

"O LORD my God, patience is very necessary for me (Hebrews 10:36), as I plainly see, for many things in this life do happen against us. For whatever plans I shall make for my own peace, my life cannot be without war and pain. (Job 7:1)"

"It is so, My son. But My will is that you seek not that peace that is void of temptation, or which feels nothing contrary. But rather think that you have found peace, when you are tested with sundry tribulations (James 1:2), and tried in many crosses.

Do you think that the men of this world suffer nothing, or but a  little? Not so shall you find it, even if you ask those who enjoy the greatest delights. But you will say, 'They have many delights and follow their own wills, therefore they do not weigh their own afflictions.' Be it so - that they do have whatever they will; but how long do  you think it will last? Behold, even "as smoke is driven away...so let the wicked perish at presence of God" (Psalm 68:2), and there shall be no memory of their past joys! Yea, even while they are alive, they do not rest in them without bitterness, and weariness, and fear. For from the selfsame thing in which they imagine their delight to be, often the receive the penalty of sorrow. Justly are they dealt with, because inordinately they seek and follow after delights, they enjoy them not without shame and bitterness. Oh, how brief, how false, how inordinate and filthy, are all those pleasures! Yet so drunken and blind are men that they understand it not; but like dumb animals, for the poor enjoyment of this corruptible life, they gain the death of the soul.

"Therefore, My son, go not after lusts, but refrain from your own will. "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give you the desires of thine heart." (Psalm 37:4) For if you desire true delight and to be comforted, behold, in all the contempt of all worldly things, and in the cutting off of all base delights, shall be your blessing, and abundant consolation shall be given to you. And the more you withdraw yourself from the solace of all other creatures, so much sweeter and more powerful consolation shall you find in Me.

But at first, you shall not be without some sadness, and the toil of conflict, attain unto these. In you way shall stand inbred habit, but by better habit shall it be entirely overcome. The flesh shall murmur against you; but with fervency of Spirit shall it be bridled. The old Serpent shall sting and irritate you, but by prayer he shall be put to flight. Moreover also, by useful labor shall his approach be barred."

- Thomas a Kempis, (1380-1471 A.D.) "The Imitation of Christ."

Praying...

OK - well, it's not like I actually get to pick and choose. And it's not like I'm leaving this fall... I haven't even applied to any yet...to what? Oh, yes! Christian Universities...and let me tell you - it's a wide, scary world out there. But, it's never too early to start praying and searching.

Cedarville University

Biola University

Sterling College

Azusa Pacific University

These two are definitely OUT:

Liberty University

Bob Jones University

Why? Because I don't like Jerry Falwell and I don't like Bob Jones.

There's nothing better to do on an icy day then search for colleges in warm climates.

Willing-Hearted in LOVE

"And they came both men and women as many as were willing-hearted, and brought bracelets and earrings and tablets and jewels of gold, and every man that offered, offered an offering of gold unto the Lord." Exodus 35:22 (KJV)

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

"...give and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38

The last verse listed here, the Words of Jesus from the Gospel, was a verse I claimed for myself in 2009. I didn't make any money. But I felt God's conviction on the beginning of the year to give to missions through my church. So I prayed about an amount, and told God that if He supplied it each month, I would faithfully give towards missions. That summer I was able to take a mission trip to Juarez, Mexico - expenses paid. I was also able to spend a month that October in Port-au-Prince, Haiti - expenses paid. I discovered the power first hand of letting go, faithfully trusting, and depending on God's supply. My amount that I gave was little in most people's terms, but like the widow's mite, it was a large sum to me because it was almost all I made. And in return I received over $2,000.

It took me a long time to get to the point of being willing to give in church towards missions. That's funny isn't it, for someone who wants to be a missionary? Rather, selfish? I sat under pastors and missionaries and teachers though who instilled a great bitterness in my heart towards tithing. It was only for a little while, but it was long enough to damage my heart. I was subjected to heated sermons, all on the subject of money. "If you weren't giving to missions, you were disobeying God; you weren't being the Christian you were supposed to be; you were weak in the faith if you didn't trust God to supply your needs if you gave to missionaries!"

 I wanted to stand up in my pew, point my finger in these fat, bloated, red-faced missionaries' faces and say, "How dare you accuse me of not trusting God, when by exhorting money from the weak, poor widows in this church, you are doing the same thing! Why don't you take your own advise and trust God to meet your needs instead of wheedling it from us?"

But God worked in my heart, helped me remove that root of Bitterness, and showed me through His Word, and the Holy Spirit where I needed to be faithful to my brothers and sisters already on the harvest field. So I gave - silently and quietly, in a way that was between me and God. And didn't have anything to do with any inflicted guilt by obese missionaries.

I've been around so many fat missionaries in my short life that I am completely merciless towards them. I have heard so many preach, and seen so many PowerPoint presentations that they all run together. I also know the truth - that most "missionaries" spend so much time on the road in America going from church to church begging for money, that most of the money you give them goes towards gasoline and fast-food. Some "missionaries' spend years  on the road before they have the "funds" necessary for "living expenses" in a foreign country.

Am I accusing all missionaries of being corrupt? No. Not at all. In fact most, I am sure, are acting out of the best intentions. But because they don't know, or want to believe better, they spend years of their ministry living in frustration. I know it's not easy to sacrifice the comfort of home and America. To struggle with poverty; to know that you could get a better job, provide for your children and family better...I respect anyone who would give their life to be on the mission field. I would respect them because that's all I know about them. Only God knows the true condition of men's hearts.

But you can't convince me that all are serving without "sounding brass and tinkling cymbal."

And I've been around so much sounding brass over my lifetime that my head still rings.

Because I've noticed a deadly cycle among ministries. And there is a far, far greater danger then never acquiring enough money. There is a far more treacherous path that leads away from Faith and LOVE. When the details become about money, funds, supplies, and donations...you lose something.

Your focus.

Your purpose.

Your focus

You lose LOVE.

I remember the first time I was in Haiti...in Saint Louis-du-Nord. I experienced many, many things - but two incidents occurred that colored the way of my thinking in regards to LOVE & MISSIONS.

One afternoon a missionary family stopped by the Ebenezer Mission...friends of the missionaries there. All I remember is the woman's loud voice. I remember her loud criticismss of the very people she was called to serve. I remember her complaining and the way her silent husband stood shrinkingly behind her. I remember their small son, about seven years old, watching the Haitian boys in the courtyard fight over the cold, left over pancakes the Becky threw down to them. I remember his nonchalant manner, and the tone in which he commented,

"They wouldn't be fighting like that if I had my BB gun here!"

I remember wanting to pick him up and throw him over the balcony, but I reminded myself that it wasn't his fault. Because that kind of attitude and prejudice is learned. It is acquired. And I silently accused his parents.

These people ran an orphanage in Port-de-Paix. They sacrificed much I am sure to live full time in Haiti and to raise their children in a foreign country. Their ministry undoubtedly did so much good and gave children a better chance at life - instead of being on the streets, or serving as restaveks, they were educated, fed, taught about Jesus and loved...

But was it love?

I watched this unfold before my eyes, and while praying that God would keep me from judgement towards them I also prayed that He would keep from such an attitude. "Keep me from that, LORD!" Pharisaical sounding perhaps...but I have repeated that prayer many, many times in the past three years. The only answer is to walk very, very close to the Person of Love.

The second incidence happened multiple times during my trip there. It was during mealtimes. You see, the Haitians were allowed the eat our food, but they had to wait until we had served ourselves, and besides a few exceptions, most weren't allowed to eat with us "Americans." The logic was simple, Haitians would eat it all. But I internally cringed at how Becky would yell at the guys in Creole. I didn't understand her, but tone and body language spoke loud enough. The boys would slink off, and the Americans would get all the food they wanted, and take their sweet time, of course. I remember sitting there once day at dinner, playing with the food on my plate, not really hungry because I felt guilty every time I ate. I decided in my heart that if God ever blessed me with a mission in Haiti, I would serve all my Haitian brothers and sisters and fellow workers first, before I, or any of my guests ate. Just like Jesus would.

I'm sure the eyes would roll at that statement. Yes, it becomes very different when it's your money that's being spend on food, and your budget that might be stretched. It's different when you know those Haitians better because you've been around them, and they can't be trusted. Yes, I've heard all that. In a thousand different ways. Some would call me very naive for the way I think.

But if that's naivete - I pray God keeps me that way a long, long time.

"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example, in SPEECH, in CONDUCT, in LOVE, in FAITH, in PURITY."

I Timothy 4:12

James

"Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand."

James 5:7-8

Not Cool

This is not cool...it's cold. It's freezing. Freezing rain to be specific.

No, it's not funny.

I cannot wait for winter to be over. I will keep living in denial and claiming that it's not really winter, which is very hard to do when there is giant winter storm bearing down claiming adjectives such as, "massive", "historic", "crippling", and "horrific". So by 7 PM tonight we should be covered in freezing rain, followed by sleet slathering everything in an inch of deadly ice, destroying power lines and making roads impassable death traps. Then we will get a 12-18 inches of snow, just to top everything off like a layer of mockingly fluffy meringue.

So if there are no posts in the next few days, it's because I'm huddled over a fire trying to stay alive along with my family with no electricity in 8 degrees F.

Ohhhhhhh!!! I'm sorry God, but I hate winter!!!

Comfort

"Blessed is the man who trust in the LORD, whose trust is in the LORD. He is like a tree planted by rivers of water, that sends out it's roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for it's leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17:7-8

"Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their fruit. Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage...multiply and do not decrease...For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a FUTURE and a HOPE. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with ALL your HEART."

Jeremiah 29:5-6, 11-13

"Behold, the days are coming," declares the LORD, "when I will make a NEW covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah...I will put my law within them, and I will write in on their hearts. I will be their God and they will be my people...For I will forgive there iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more."

Jeremiah 31:31, 33, 34

"And I will give them ONE HEART, and a NEW SPIRIT I will put in them. I will remove the HEART of stone from their flesh, and give them a HEART of FLESH."

Ezekiel 11:19

Egypt and Lebanon

Egypt's capital is up in flames  in political, bloody riots against the thirty-year reign of President Mubarak.

Lebanon's government has been overturned in a coup d'etat by the terrorist group, Hezbollah.

Tunisia and Yemen are both dealing with riots this month as well.

The Arab world is in terror.

All of this on the news this week and this morning. The newscasters voices' are tense and ominous when reporting the violence on the streets of Cairo...the video footage horrendous. The State Department says it is "monitoring this situation", and are gravely concerned, considering that Egypt is "our strongest ally in the Arab world," and the first Arab world to "make peace" with Israel.

And yet none of it is a surprise.

"And I will stir up Egyptians against Egyptians, and they will fight, each against each other and each against his neighbor, city against city, kingdom against kingdom;and the spirit of the Egyptians within them will be emptied out...The LORD has mingled in her a spirit of confusion, and they will make Egypt stagger in all her deeds as a drunken man staggers..." Isaiah 19:2-3, 14

"Ah, stubborn children," declares the LORD, "who carry out a plan, but not mine, who make an alliance, but not of my Spirit, that they may add sin to sin; who set out to go down to Egypt without asking for my direction, to take refuge in the protection of Pharaoh and to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt!...Egypt's help is worthless and empty; therefore I have called her, 'Rahab who sits still.'" Isaiah 30:1-3,7

"Behold! You are trusting in Egypt, that broken reed of a staff, which will pierce the hand of any man who leans on it. Such is Pharaoh, king of Egypt to all who trust him!" Isaiah 36:6

"The land mourns and languishes; Lebanon is confounded and withers away..." Isaiah 33:9

"He will cut down the thickets of the forest with an axe, and Lebanon will fall by the Majestic One." Isaiah 10:34

 Please join me in prayer for our brothers and sisters in Christ scattered throughout the Middle East, who are caught in the middle of this spiritual and political strife. May they be strengthened to be Salt and Light of Christ. May they be protected by His shield; and reminded of His promises of a beautiful future.

"Is it not yet a very little while until Lebanon shall be turned into a fruitful field, and the fruitful field shall be regarded as a forest." Isaiah 29:17

"In that day, there will be an altar to the LORD in the midst of the land of Egypt, and a pillar to the LORD at it's border. It will be a sign and a witness to the LORD of hosts in the land of Egypt. When they cry to the LORD because of oppressors, He will send them a Savior and a Defender and deliver them. And the LORD will make Himself known to the Egyptians, and the Egyptians will know the LORD in that day...In that day there will be a highway from Egypt to Assyria [Iraq], and Assyria will come into Egypt...In that day Israel will be the third with Egypt and Assyria, a blessing in the midst of the Earth, whom the LORD of hosts has blessed saying, 'Blessed be Egypt my people, and Assyria the work of my hands, and Israel my inheritance.'" Isaiah 19:19-21;23-24

"I will whistle for them and gather them in, for I have redeemed them, and they shall be as many as before. Though I scattered them among the nations, yet in far countries they shall remember me, and with their children they shall live and return. I will bring them home from the land of Egypt, and gather them from Assyria and I will bring them to the land of Gilead and Lebanon, till there is no room for them...I will make them strong in the LORD, and they shall walk in His name," declares the LORD." Zechariah 10:8-10;12

The LORD Sovereign is in control. All will be well.