"And they came both men and women as many as were willing-hearted, and brought bracelets and earrings and tablets and jewels of gold, and every man that offered, offered an offering of gold unto the Lord." Exodus 35:22 (KJV)
"And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19
"...give and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38
The last verse listed here, the Words of Jesus from the Gospel, was a verse I claimed for myself in 2009. I didn't make any money. But I felt God's conviction on the beginning of the year to give to missions through my church. So I prayed about an amount, and told God that if He supplied it each month, I would faithfully give towards missions. That summer I was able to take a mission trip to Juarez, Mexico - expenses paid. I was also able to spend a month that October in Port-au-Prince, Haiti - expenses paid. I discovered the power first hand of letting go, faithfully trusting, and depending on God's supply. My amount that I gave was little in most people's terms, but like the widow's mite, it was a large sum to me because it was almost all I made. And in return I received over $2,000.
It took me a long time to get to the point of being willing to give in church towards missions. That's funny isn't it, for someone who wants to be a missionary? Rather, selfish? I sat under pastors and missionaries and teachers though who instilled a great bitterness in my heart towards tithing. It was only for a little while, but it was long enough to damage my heart. I was subjected to heated sermons, all on the subject of money. "If you weren't giving to missions, you were disobeying God; you weren't being the Christian you were supposed to be; you were weak in the faith if you didn't trust God to supply your needs if you gave to missionaries!"
I wanted to stand up in my pew, point my finger in these fat, bloated, red-faced missionaries' faces and say, "How dare you accuse me of not trusting God, when by exhorting money from the weak, poor widows in this church, you are doing the same thing! Why don't you take your own advise and trust God to meet your needs instead of wheedling it from us?"
But God worked in my heart, helped me remove that root of Bitterness, and showed me through His Word, and the Holy Spirit where I needed to be faithful to my brothers and sisters already on the harvest field. So I gave - silently and quietly, in a way that was between
me and
God. And didn't have anything to do with any inflicted guilt by obese missionaries.
I've been around so many fat missionaries in my short life that I am completely merciless towards them. I have heard so many preach, and seen so many PowerPoint presentations that they all run together. I also know the truth - that most "missionaries" spend so much time on the road in America going from church to church begging for money, that most of the money you give them goes towards gasoline and fast-food. Some "missionaries' spend
years on the road before they have the "funds" necessary for "living expenses" in a foreign country.
Am I accusing all missionaries of being corrupt? No. Not at all. In fact most, I am sure, are acting out of the best intentions. But because they don't know, or want to believe better, they spend years of their ministry living in frustration. I know it's not easy to sacrifice the comfort of home and America. To struggle with poverty; to know that you could get a better job, provide for your children and family better...I respect anyone who would give their
life to be on the mission field. I would respect them because that's all I know about them. Only God knows the true condition of men's hearts.
But you can't convince me that all are serving without "sounding brass and tinkling cymbal."
And I've been around so much sounding brass over my lifetime that my head still rings.
Because I've noticed a deadly cycle among ministries. And there is a far, far greater danger then never acquiring enough money. There is a far more treacherous path that leads away from Faith and LOVE. When the details become about money, funds, supplies, and donations...you lose something.
Your focus.
Your purpose.
Your focus
You lose LOVE.
I remember the first time I was in Haiti...in Saint Louis-du-Nord. I experienced many, many things - but two incidents occurred that colored the way of my thinking in regards to LOVE & MISSIONS.
One afternoon a missionary family stopped by the Ebenezer Mission...friends of the missionaries there. All I remember is the woman's loud voice. I remember her loud criticismss of the very people she was called to serve. I remember her complaining and the way her silent husband stood shrinkingly behind her. I remember their small son, about seven years old, watching the Haitian boys in the courtyard fight over the cold, left over pancakes the Becky threw down to them. I remember his nonchalant manner, and the tone in which he commented,
"They wouldn't be fighting like that if I had my BB gun here!"
I remember wanting to pick him up and throw him over the balcony, but I reminded myself that it wasn't his fault. Because that kind of attitude and prejudice is learned. It is acquired. And I silently accused his parents.
These people ran an orphanage in Port-de-Paix. They sacrificed much I am sure to live full time in Haiti and to raise their children in a foreign country. Their ministry undoubtedly did so much good and gave children a better chance at life - instead of being on the streets, or serving as
restaveks, they were educated, fed, taught about Jesus and loved...
But was it love?
I watched this unfold before my eyes, and while praying that God would keep me from judgement towards them I also prayed that He would keep from such an attitude.
"Keep me from that, LORD!" Pharisaical sounding perhaps...but I have repeated that prayer many, many times in the past three years. The only answer is to walk very, very close to the Person of Love.
The second incidence happened multiple times during my trip there. It was during mealtimes. You see, the Haitians were allowed the eat our food, but they had to wait until we had served ourselves, and besides a few exceptions, most weren't allowed to eat with us "Americans." The logic was simple, Haitians would eat it all. But I internally cringed at how Becky would yell at the guys in Creole. I didn't understand her, but tone and body language spoke loud enough. The boys would slink off, and the Americans would get all the food they wanted, and take their sweet time, of course. I remember sitting there once day at dinner, playing with the food on my plate, not really hungry because I felt guilty every time I ate. I decided in my heart
that if God ever blessed me with a mission in Haiti, I would serve all my Haitian brothers and sisters and fellow workers first, before I, or any of my guests ate. Just like Jesus would.
I'm sure the eyes would roll at that statement. Yes, it becomes very different when it's
your money that's being spend on food, and
your budget that might be stretched. It's different when
you know those Haitians better because you've been around them, and they can't be trusted. Yes, I've heard all that. In a thousand different ways. Some would call me very naive for the way I think.
But if that's naivete - I pray God keeps me that way a long, long time.
"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example, in SPEECH, in CONDUCT, in LOVE, in FAITH, in PURITY."
I Timothy 4:12
