I Will Rise

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

- Chris Tomlin

Of Herbs and Flowers

"Light is sweet and it is pleasant for the eyes to behold the sun." Ecclesiastes 11:7

It is the coldest day of this winter so far. The air is as sharp as a knife. It is -1degrees F this morning. I think it has warmed up to 5 degrees F. It is supposed to be 19 degrees F today. But at least the sun is shining! Next week it is going into the 40s and it will just keep going up!

I can't wait for spring. For green, living things... I've never been big on gardening, even though I've always had good intentions. My mom's gardening enthusiasm influences me in February and March, but wears off when I actually start weeding...But this year I'm going to buy some herbs and flowers and plant a garden. Definitely some Gerber Daisies...I love Gerber Daisies

 ...ain't they pretty?


I used to be an Herb Enthusiast. I had a book all about herbs and herbal gardening and practically had it memorized. I wanted to become a crazy old lady with acres and acres of herb gardens and cures for every illness. Maybe I'll be a crazy young lady and still do that...The truth is, herbal healing, if you take away the ties with Eastern mysticism and hippies, is still better then conventional medicine. I was reminded of  this last week when I was sick with a cold.

I was feeling miserable, and the cold medicine wasn't working anymore. I read that it isn't good to take cold medicine long-term. Not only do you risk overdosing, but your body overreacts negatively to decongestants, by producing even more mucus. Lovely. So, in a last measure attempt, I brewed a very strong tea of peppermint and dried chamomile and yarrow, which I had dried myself two years before. I drank about a pint of that hot tea, and crammed vitamin C and garlic supplements down my mouth. That night I slept better then I did on when on cold medicine. The next morning I knew I was getting better. I took more Vitamin C and garlic supplements. One day later my sore throat was gone and my headache was gone and now I'm all better. My only regret is that I always forget about herbal medicine, and I should have taken it earlier in my cold, before I felt so bad.

The U. S. National Library of Medicine has listed over 100 ailments and conditions that chamomile is able to treat, including the common cold. Peppermint has a long, glittering history spanning thousands of years of medicinal use. Yarrow is a humble, hardy little plant that not many people have heard of, but has also been around for hundreds of years. It intensifies the medicinal uses of other herbs when combined with them, and also serves as a tonic, anti-allergic, and circulatory treatment. Garlic is naturally antibiotic and anti-viral and is used traditionally to treat coughs, and infections. And of course, Vitamin C is a powerful antioxidant and immune-booster, necessary for good health.

I was amazed at the power of the herbal medicine I took and how very, very quickly it took effect. That's why I want to grow more herbs. I recognize the need that some conventional medications are needed and cannot be replaced. (Like...ibuprofen.) But there is something appealing in the freedom of being able to treat your sicknesses without running off to the doctor, or popping pills that are designed to treat more symptoms then you have. Good health, preventative supplements, and smart medicine are the best treatments for illnesses. And sunshine. I hope to continue learning more and more about herbal medicine and to continue using it for the rest of my life.

Just a little, random lesson.

"And the Lord will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters do not fail."

Isaiah 58:11

The Call

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before
All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

- Regina Spektor

Praying...

OK - well, it's not like I actually get to pick and choose. And it's not like I'm leaving this fall... I haven't even applied to any yet...to what? Oh, yes! Christian Universities...and let me tell you - it's a wide, scary world out there. But, it's never too early to start praying and searching.

Cedarville University

Biola University

Sterling College

Azusa Pacific University

These two are definitely OUT:

Liberty University

Bob Jones University

Why? Because I don't like Jerry Falwell and I don't like Bob Jones.

There's nothing better to do on an icy day then search for colleges in warm climates.

Willing-Hearted in LOVE

"And they came both men and women as many as were willing-hearted, and brought bracelets and earrings and tablets and jewels of gold, and every man that offered, offered an offering of gold unto the Lord." Exodus 35:22 (KJV)

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

"...give and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38

The last verse listed here, the Words of Jesus from the Gospel, was a verse I claimed for myself in 2009. I didn't make any money. But I felt God's conviction on the beginning of the year to give to missions through my church. So I prayed about an amount, and told God that if He supplied it each month, I would faithfully give towards missions. That summer I was able to take a mission trip to Juarez, Mexico - expenses paid. I was also able to spend a month that October in Port-au-Prince, Haiti - expenses paid. I discovered the power first hand of letting go, faithfully trusting, and depending on God's supply. My amount that I gave was little in most people's terms, but like the widow's mite, it was a large sum to me because it was almost all I made. And in return I received over $2,000.

It took me a long time to get to the point of being willing to give in church towards missions. That's funny isn't it, for someone who wants to be a missionary? Rather, selfish? I sat under pastors and missionaries and teachers though who instilled a great bitterness in my heart towards tithing. It was only for a little while, but it was long enough to damage my heart. I was subjected to heated sermons, all on the subject of money. "If you weren't giving to missions, you were disobeying God; you weren't being the Christian you were supposed to be; you were weak in the faith if you didn't trust God to supply your needs if you gave to missionaries!"

 I wanted to stand up in my pew, point my finger in these fat, bloated, red-faced missionaries' faces and say, "How dare you accuse me of not trusting God, when by exhorting money from the weak, poor widows in this church, you are doing the same thing! Why don't you take your own advise and trust God to meet your needs instead of wheedling it from us?"

But God worked in my heart, helped me remove that root of Bitterness, and showed me through His Word, and the Holy Spirit where I needed to be faithful to my brothers and sisters already on the harvest field. So I gave - silently and quietly, in a way that was between me and God. And didn't have anything to do with any inflicted guilt by obese missionaries.

I've been around so many fat missionaries in my short life that I am completely merciless towards them. I have heard so many preach, and seen so many PowerPoint presentations that they all run together. I also know the truth - that most "missionaries" spend so much time on the road in America going from church to church begging for money, that most of the money you give them goes towards gasoline and fast-food. Some "missionaries' spend years  on the road before they have the "funds" necessary for "living expenses" in a foreign country.

Am I accusing all missionaries of being corrupt? No. Not at all. In fact most, I am sure, are acting out of the best intentions. But because they don't know, or want to believe better, they spend years of their ministry living in frustration. I know it's not easy to sacrifice the comfort of home and America. To struggle with poverty; to know that you could get a better job, provide for your children and family better...I respect anyone who would give their life to be on the mission field. I would respect them because that's all I know about them. Only God knows the true condition of men's hearts.

But you can't convince me that all are serving without "sounding brass and tinkling cymbal."

And I've been around so much sounding brass over my lifetime that my head still rings.

Because I've noticed a deadly cycle among ministries. And there is a far, far greater danger then never acquiring enough money. There is a far more treacherous path that leads away from Faith and LOVE. When the details become about money, funds, supplies, and donations...you lose something.

Your focus.

Your purpose.

Your focus

You lose LOVE.

I remember the first time I was in Haiti...in Saint Louis-du-Nord. I experienced many, many things - but two incidents occurred that colored the way of my thinking in regards to LOVE & MISSIONS.

One afternoon a missionary family stopped by the Ebenezer Mission...friends of the missionaries there. All I remember is the woman's loud voice. I remember her loud criticismss of the very people she was called to serve. I remember her complaining and the way her silent husband stood shrinkingly behind her. I remember their small son, about seven years old, watching the Haitian boys in the courtyard fight over the cold, left over pancakes the Becky threw down to them. I remember his nonchalant manner, and the tone in which he commented,

"They wouldn't be fighting like that if I had my BB gun here!"

I remember wanting to pick him up and throw him over the balcony, but I reminded myself that it wasn't his fault. Because that kind of attitude and prejudice is learned. It is acquired. And I silently accused his parents.

These people ran an orphanage in Port-de-Paix. They sacrificed much I am sure to live full time in Haiti and to raise their children in a foreign country. Their ministry undoubtedly did so much good and gave children a better chance at life - instead of being on the streets, or serving as restaveks, they were educated, fed, taught about Jesus and loved...

But was it love?

I watched this unfold before my eyes, and while praying that God would keep me from judgement towards them I also prayed that He would keep from such an attitude. "Keep me from that, LORD!" Pharisaical sounding perhaps...but I have repeated that prayer many, many times in the past three years. The only answer is to walk very, very close to the Person of Love.

The second incidence happened multiple times during my trip there. It was during mealtimes. You see, the Haitians were allowed the eat our food, but they had to wait until we had served ourselves, and besides a few exceptions, most weren't allowed to eat with us "Americans." The logic was simple, Haitians would eat it all. But I internally cringed at how Becky would yell at the guys in Creole. I didn't understand her, but tone and body language spoke loud enough. The boys would slink off, and the Americans would get all the food they wanted, and take their sweet time, of course. I remember sitting there once day at dinner, playing with the food on my plate, not really hungry because I felt guilty every time I ate. I decided in my heart that if God ever blessed me with a mission in Haiti, I would serve all my Haitian brothers and sisters and fellow workers first, before I, or any of my guests ate. Just like Jesus would.

I'm sure the eyes would roll at that statement. Yes, it becomes very different when it's your money that's being spend on food, and your budget that might be stretched. It's different when you know those Haitians better because you've been around them, and they can't be trusted. Yes, I've heard all that. In a thousand different ways. Some would call me very naive for the way I think.

But if that's naivete - I pray God keeps me that way a long, long time.

"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example, in SPEECH, in CONDUCT, in LOVE, in FAITH, in PURITY."

I Timothy 4:12

Comfort

"Blessed is the man who trust in the LORD, whose trust is in the LORD. He is like a tree planted by rivers of water, that sends out it's roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for it's leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17:7-8

"Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their fruit. Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage...multiply and do not decrease...For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a FUTURE and a HOPE. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with ALL your HEART."

Jeremiah 29:5-6, 11-13

"Behold, the days are coming," declares the LORD, "when I will make a NEW covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah...I will put my law within them, and I will write in on their hearts. I will be their God and they will be my people...For I will forgive there iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more."

Jeremiah 31:31, 33, 34

"And I will give them ONE HEART, and a NEW SPIRIT I will put in them. I will remove the HEART of stone from their flesh, and give them a HEART of FLESH."

Ezekiel 11:19

Egypt and Lebanon

Egypt's capital is up in flames  in political, bloody riots against the thirty-year reign of President Mubarak.

Lebanon's government has been overturned in a coup d'etat by the terrorist group, Hezbollah.

Tunisia and Yemen are both dealing with riots this month as well.

The Arab world is in terror.

All of this on the news this week and this morning. The newscasters voices' are tense and ominous when reporting the violence on the streets of Cairo...the video footage horrendous. The State Department says it is "monitoring this situation", and are gravely concerned, considering that Egypt is "our strongest ally in the Arab world," and the first Arab world to "make peace" with Israel.

And yet none of it is a surprise.

"And I will stir up Egyptians against Egyptians, and they will fight, each against each other and each against his neighbor, city against city, kingdom against kingdom;and the spirit of the Egyptians within them will be emptied out...The LORD has mingled in her a spirit of confusion, and they will make Egypt stagger in all her deeds as a drunken man staggers..." Isaiah 19:2-3, 14

"Ah, stubborn children," declares the LORD, "who carry out a plan, but not mine, who make an alliance, but not of my Spirit, that they may add sin to sin; who set out to go down to Egypt without asking for my direction, to take refuge in the protection of Pharaoh and to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt!...Egypt's help is worthless and empty; therefore I have called her, 'Rahab who sits still.'" Isaiah 30:1-3,7

"Behold! You are trusting in Egypt, that broken reed of a staff, which will pierce the hand of any man who leans on it. Such is Pharaoh, king of Egypt to all who trust him!" Isaiah 36:6

"The land mourns and languishes; Lebanon is confounded and withers away..." Isaiah 33:9

"He will cut down the thickets of the forest with an axe, and Lebanon will fall by the Majestic One." Isaiah 10:34

 Please join me in prayer for our brothers and sisters in Christ scattered throughout the Middle East, who are caught in the middle of this spiritual and political strife. May they be strengthened to be Salt and Light of Christ. May they be protected by His shield; and reminded of His promises of a beautiful future.

"Is it not yet a very little while until Lebanon shall be turned into a fruitful field, and the fruitful field shall be regarded as a forest." Isaiah 29:17

"In that day, there will be an altar to the LORD in the midst of the land of Egypt, and a pillar to the LORD at it's border. It will be a sign and a witness to the LORD of hosts in the land of Egypt. When they cry to the LORD because of oppressors, He will send them a Savior and a Defender and deliver them. And the LORD will make Himself known to the Egyptians, and the Egyptians will know the LORD in that day...In that day there will be a highway from Egypt to Assyria [Iraq], and Assyria will come into Egypt...In that day Israel will be the third with Egypt and Assyria, a blessing in the midst of the Earth, whom the LORD of hosts has blessed saying, 'Blessed be Egypt my people, and Assyria the work of my hands, and Israel my inheritance.'" Isaiah 19:19-21;23-24

"I will whistle for them and gather them in, for I have redeemed them, and they shall be as many as before. Though I scattered them among the nations, yet in far countries they shall remember me, and with their children they shall live and return. I will bring them home from the land of Egypt, and gather them from Assyria and I will bring them to the land of Gilead and Lebanon, till there is no room for them...I will make them strong in the LORD, and they shall walk in His name," declares the LORD." Zechariah 10:8-10;12

The LORD Sovereign is in control. All will be well.

Good Article

I like this. It's a good reminder, and it's very well put.

It's amazing how different generations go through different things...and my generation is seeing the result of almost "too much" of a good thing. Not just in this area...but in many areas where "standards" are an issue.

For Troubled Hearts

"For troubles hearts we pray.

The grievousness of war

Has driven JOY away,

And sun, and moon, and star.

Console the sore distressed,

The wounded bound in pain,

The broken, for whom rest

May never be again.

Like bells at evening time

Let words of healing come,

Till, led by that clear chime,

They find themselves at Home."

- Amy Carmichael

An inexplicable uneasiness throws a shadow across my mind and spirit today - and has been growing stronger. Different burdens I received this past week, from different revelations of how the Enemy is at work within the Church, and among so-called Christians, planted this dark seed - which has quickly bloomed. Reminders of unconfessed sin are forefront on my heart, but a dark pain threatens from another source...and I wonder what it means. What is the Enemy about? What is this the eve of? Who is in the thick of spiritual battle out there, and it desperate for allies in prayer? Why the resistance in me at the thought of prayer? What are all these lessons and information I have learned this week building to? What will the Great Vanquisher accomplish through this and how can I give Him the glory?

Will you join me in prayer?

"Do not be grieved, for the JOY of the LORD is your STRENGTH." Nehemiah 8:10b

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you, when my HEART is faint. Lead me to the ROCK THAT IS HIGHER THAN I." Psalm 61:1-2

"REJOICE ALWAYS, PRAY WITHOUT CEASING, give THANKS in ALL circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus FOR YOU." I Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Finally, be STRONG in the LORD and the POWER OF HIS MIGHT." Ephesians 6:10

"May you be STRENGTHENED with ALL POWER, according to His GLORIOUS MIGHT, with ALL endurance, and patience with JOY, giving THANKS to the Father, who has qualified YOU to share in the INHERITANCE OF THE SAINTS IN LIGHT. He has DELIVERED us from the domain of Darkness and TRANSFERRED us to the Kingdom of His Beloved Son, in whom we have REDEMPTION, THE FORGIVENESS OF SINS." Colossians 1:11-14

What?

'Baby-Doc' returns to Haiti - I wonder what that means?

Haiti is the most unpredictable country on this globe...

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable." Isaiah 40:28

Rose from Brier

Thou hast not that, My Child, but thou hast Me;

And am I not enough for thee?

I know it ALL, know how thy HEART was set

Upon this JOY not given yet.

And well I know how through the wistful days

Thou walkest ALL the dear, familiar ways

As unregarded as a breath of air;

But there in LOVE and longing, always there.

I know it ALL, but from thy brier shall blow

A ROSE for others. If it were not so

I would have told thee. Come then, say to Me;

"My LORD, my LOVE, I am content with THEE."

- Amy Carmichael

Happy Birthday, Anna!

So one of the beeeest thing every new year brings, is my precious, beautiful sister's birthday. And this year was special because she reached double-digits. Ten years old!

Sometimes I wonder what my life was like before my two youngest siblings were born.

They both bring quite a lot of joy and...interest to my life. Anna, especially, amazes me almost everyday.

She is a typical little girl in that she adores everything beautiful - clothes, make-up and fingernail polish. She loves to try on our clothes, comment on our clothes, and watch us put our make-up on, and comment on our make-up. Because she shares a bedroom with two older sisters, she has an amazing quickness of tongue and can hold her own in an argument even if her logic is flawed. She loves to laugh and make people laugh, and it a natural comedienne. And sometimes she says things that she doesn't even mean to be funny. The other day, she came stomping upstairs, upset about the teasing she had just gotten from her older brother...

"WHY did God make Adam?" She huffed. "WHY didn't he make them ALL Eves? I don't like MEN...the only man I like is Jesus...(silence)...and Daddy...(silence)...and Grandpa...and all the other men - but not the rest of them!"

Another winner...

"Living is hard."

But for all her drama...Anna has a very tender heart. She hates to see anyone or anything suffer. She can't even listen to sad music because it makes her cry. She loves people and animals. She is mercy, and it is a gift from God that He is going to use greatly through her. She loves to serve, and will often make our beds, pick-up our clothes, wash dishes and do anything that needs to be done, because it makes her feel "grown-up".  She is wildly artistic...she loves to draw, play piano, sing, knit - even write books! Anything that involves creating, she can do it.

I love my little (now getting bigger) sissy, and I pray all the time that God would make me a better sister. I can't wait to see how God uses her!!

I love you Anna!

Happy New Year!

Well, after keeping this article in my draft folder for over a week, it's difficult to see the point in saying "Happy New Year", a week in. Isn't it funny how quickly a new year loses it's "newness".

I love the song on this video. I heard it on the radio as my sister and I drove to a friend's house New Year's Eve. We were looking forward to spending the night full of fun and games. But as we drove through the darkness on the highway and passed through the city, this song came on the radio and it's message struck me in a new way. I looked out the window to hide my tears.

It was literally the last song we listened to on that radio, since that night my sister's car was targeted, and a midnight thief high on alcohol and who-knows-what-else, ripped the radio and CD player out of our car. Happy New Year.

I have made no attempt to hide my eagerness for 2010 to be over. I was glad to see it go; and was looking forward to seeing what 2011 would bring - hoping it would be better than 2010. That year started going down-hill for me twelve days into the new year. But, God got a hold of me and exposed the selfishness of my delight.

Because two days before the new year, a dear friend of ours was diagnosed with Stage One cancer. A young lady, who is still single and an example in her faith and love of the Lord. A friend, who has encouraged us,  in many ways. In fact, there are three books sitting on our bookshelf all about trusting God, that came to us from her.

The first week of December, I enjoyed reminiscing about my "surprise" trip to Haiti - already a year ago. But those good memories were shadowed when I heard from my friend who took me there, that Pastor Nene had been in a terrible accident, and was now struggling with recovery from severe brain damage. Pastor Nene, who good naturedly followed us all over Port-au-Prince and up into the mountains; who patiently waited for us while we played duck-duck-goose with the kids in the orphanage. Pastor Nene, who gladly translated for us, and was always available, even if that meant spending more time away from his family. Pastor Nene, who proudly introduced us to his beautiful family, and his joyful church. Pastor Nene, who translated for me in the prison, as I shared the message God laid on my heart to the women behind iron bars, and who helped me pray with them as they accepted salvation.

Then there's Betsey, my new friend who, along with her husband, had adopted two beautiful sisters from Haiti after the earthquake. They had been trying to adopt a third handicapped little girl, who had lived with them while in the States on her medical visa. Now that her mother has decided she can't provide and take care of her, they're trying to get her back. Only a few weeks before the new year, they discovered that the Embassy in Haiti has denied her a visa. Now what?

This list can go on and on...

While I may be looking forward to 2011 - what frightening depths of the unknown it holds for people close to me in Christ.

Depressing sounding, isn't it? That's not how I mean it. God,  in His great mercy, often delights in our impossibly despairing circumstances, in order to show us Who He is. It's a lesson for all of us in the body of Christ and it certainly has been for me. While these depressing circumstances are not happening to me personally, how can I do my duty and help bear the burdens in the church of Christ, if I am so concentrated on my own personal comfort, "I'm so happy 2010 is over!" Sin and it's affects follow us everywhere. Even into New Years. Sickness and disappointment are not unknown to Him, the Man of Sorrows.

So that's why that song meant so much to me. It was like everything was just made clear. No matter what resolutions I make for perfection, living in this sinful world will hurt and disappoint and mess up my plans. So my one resolution for this year, that I have no idea what happiness or maybe sorrow, it will bring for me or loved ones:

"Be strong in the LORD!"

And my prayer for those around me - whether I weep or rejoice with them:

"Be strong in the LORD!"

I'm still looking forward to this year...but not for myself. I'm just excited to see what God will do - in me, everywhere and all around me.

Happy New Year!

Beware of Ishmael

Winter is a good time for disillusionment.

That is what I always try to protect myself from in these months. Perspective helps - so does laughing, visiting friends, planning trips, Christmas lights, and family movie times.

Oh, and prayer. And Scripture.

Maybe it's just part of growing up. Everyone has their times of the year when they start to reflect. Looking back at only my short twenty years, I'm surprised at the paths I've been taken on. I can't wait to see what else is ahead.

 If I can keep discouragement away.

My sister and I went out Saturday night - met a friend at the mall and went out to eat. We've know R---- for years. Literally. We grew up in the same church, under a lot of the same circumstances: home schooled, big family, old house, family-owned business, conservative values - some family's more legalistic than others. She and my sister go to the same college, and "school talk" dominated much of the conversation.

"So how about you, Emily?" She asked, as we both paused in Old Navy and browsed some scarves, "You have any school plans?"

"Yeah..." I replied

"What? What was that look for?" She asked.

"I don't know. I do have some plans. I'm starting a long distance degree in Christian Counseling from a seminary in January - but it's unaccredited, so...I still want to start in Sinclair next fall and get an Associates in Communications. Anyway, that's the plan...." I finished with a smile.

R---- gave an approving look, "That's cool. Stick to your plan."

 She turned to me, suddenly and her voice intensified, "Because as much as I would love to believe in Prince Charming and that he'll just come riding up - it won't happen. You have to make plans for yourself."

I took in what she said, and teased her a little for her "words of wisdom." But I know her too well. And I know myself. It is all too attractive to think discouragingly. Too tempting to believe in the necessity of self-sufficiency. R---- plays that role well - but that's all it is: a role. For all her big talk, she is like every other wounded, vulnerable, waiting young lady. Because no matter how you were raised, or how good you are - you will be wounded. That's what happens in a world of sin. Ugly, sickening sin. What is so easy to "forget", is where sin abounds, grace much, much more abounds!

"My goal in life is to never live with someone else again. After six brothers - are you kidding me? I'm serious!" She said as we made our way through the Saturday night shopping crowds. We chose to ignore that comment.

Because later, sitting the quiet restaurant booth, after finishing our meals, she told on herself.

"I'm in a Bible study with several other girls and we're praying for each of our requests specifically. My request was that either God would allow something to happen with "this guy", or that I would get over him and neither has happened. God is answered all the other girls requests, and I feel like God is ignoring me."

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their wings, they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Wait, I say, wait on the Lord."

But she knows the Scriptures. She was raised in them as we were as well. And sometimes it's just hard to hold on. That's why God tells us to pray for faith. Pray, pray, pray...

Lord, I believe...help Thou my unbelief!"

Rebekah said she texted her older, wiser, married sister.

"Tell me again," She wrote, "why it's important to wait on God?"

The answer?

"Because if you don't, Ishmael happens."

"I thought that was a really cool answer," R---- said.

I agree.

Wonderful Life

Beautiful is in the sky
Watch it slowly
All our time is flying by, too fast
Where we're headed is so clear

It can feel like nowhere.
But everything we need is here, right now

'Cause the sun is shining
And the world is alive

Everything's all right
And all we've ever needed
It's a perfect day to be alive
So no more waiting now
For a wonderful life
'Cause it's a wonderful life right now

Beautiful is in the eyes
Of a friend or a stranger
Souls searching in disguise, for love
We're all planning our escape
To something higher
But there is a better way to live

'Cause the sun is shining
And the whole wide world is alive and...

Everything's all right
And all we've ever needed
It's a perfect day to be alive
So no more waiting now
For a wonderful life
'Cause it's a wonderful life right now

And the sun is shining
And it's so good to feel alive!

- Natalie Grant

Glory to the Righteous One

After the Judgement and grief of Isaiah so far - it is a relief to read through chapters 25-27. It is a song of Praise. Praise for God's Salvation, His People, and His Victory.

Isaiah had to bear lot. He was young and somewhat insecure when God first called him to be a prophet for Him. He had to bear the burden of the weighty message God had for His people. Isaiah was given a look into the grief and torment that would consume the earth "in that day" - the day when Christ stands on the earth and judges His creation.

And now - the good news.

Isaiah reaches out beginning in Chapter 25, with an intensely personal cry - "Lord, thou art MY God..."


MY God.

My Strength. My Refuge. My Shade. (25:4)

"...I will praise thy name; for thou hast done wonderful things; thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth." (vs. 1)

God is always on the side of the poor, the needy, the distressed. Jesus told us, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven."

He will bring down the proud city. He will bring down His enemies and those that tread on His people. The Jewish people, and His children through Christ's righteousness around the globe. He will bring shade in the heat, and refuge in the blast of the storm. He will swallow up death in VICTORY and wipe away all tears. And then...we will celebrate.

A celebration that Christ has been looking forward to since that last time He sat and ate with His disciples:

"But I say unto you, I will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day, when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom." (Matthew 26:29)

His bride, the Church of Christ gathered from all over the world, will sit and eat with Him. He will serve us Himself, and sit and fellowship with us.

"And in this mountain shall the LORD of hosts make unto all people a feast of fat things, a feast of wines on the lees, of fat things full of marrow, of wines on the lees well refined. (25:6) And he will destroy in the mountain the face of the covering cast over all people, and the veil that is spread over all nations." (25:7)

God will host a lavish, loving, "inaugural" celebration with us, and take away all manner of separation. Somehow, to me, the promise in this verse is not just the cloud of spiritual darkness that separates people, but language barriers and cultural differences and prejudices, so that believers from every nation, tongue and tribe will be able to fellowship and worship together, as Kingdom Citizens.  No "Cross-Cultural Communications" course necessary! And what a day that will be!

Chapter 26 begins with describing the safety and protection that Christ's rule will bring to the city of Jerusalem and essentially, the earth.

"And in that day shall this song be sung in the land of Judah; We have a strong city; salvation will God appoint for walls and bulwarks. OPEN YE THE GATES, that the righteous nation which keepeth truth may enter in."

Have you seen Jerusalem recently? Israel is one on of the most heavily guarded countries in the world - and for good reason. The enemies of God's people are everywhere on the face of this world.

But not so during the Millennial reign of Christ. Righteousness, Truth and Salvation will keep the city of Zion, and the whole world. Highways will be built to those open gates, and all who desire can enter in.

Can you imagine?

It's difficult to wait.

"O LORD," Isaiah cries in verse 8, "have we waited for Thee! the desire of our soul is Thy name, and to the remembrance of Thee. With my soul have I desired Thee in the night; yea, with my spirit within me will I seek Thee early: for when Thy judgements are in the earth, the inhabitants of the world will learn righteousness."

For thousands of years the Jewish people have waited om their Messiah. When He came - they did not know Him. Now, still they wait - not understanding that when He comes again, He comes to Judge and to restore. And now, His people through Christ's righteousness - the Church, combined of Jews and Gentiles - await His second return.

And He is coming.

But He will not be humble this time.

No infant form.

No stable.

No manger.

No persecution.

He is coming as the King of King and the Lord of Lords.

Tell them.

They need to know.

"Even so come Lord Jesus..."

Map tann

A Year Ago

Exactly one year ago today, I woke up to a gray, cold, wet day. I got up from bed, looked out the window, and prayed a small, but sincere prayer: "God, please help me to serve you no matter what the circumstances are." Twenty-four hours later I was on a plane bound for Port-au-Prince, Haiti. Friends, who has an extra plane ticket for their mission trip, had invited me to come with them.

I still remember Pastor Pierre's voice when I called to tell him I was in Haiti. I remember his shock at the fact that I was staying at a house along Vincent Stenio - that I was close enough to walk to Chambrun.

"You find out you are coming to Haiti - Emily, you could have ended up anywhere. You could be in Cap-Haitian, Jacmel, Jeremie...God put you right back in Chambrun...I think He is trying to tell you something! You belong here - I think you better listen!"

I can't believe it's been a year.

I would be dreadfully dishonest if I did not admit that 2010 has been one of the hardest years of my life. 2009 was beautiful, and full of promise and opportunity. Three mission trips, new friends, new church, spiritual growth, a plan I thought I could plow ahead with - but everything came to a screeching halt on January 12, 2010 and went downhill from there. Change of plans, disappointment, hurtful people and circumstances, leaving our church, losing friends...I though the last three months would end awesome...but that dream shattered when I boarded my plane back home two and a half months earlier then planned.

I will be happy to see the end of 2010.

It has been a year since I played in that orphanage...and tried to say goodbye that last night. I remember how the girls clung to me, I remember the heat and sweat and the way the car headlights cut through the darkness. I remember their tears and cries - at least twenty of them.

"Emily, please don't leave! Please, Emily - I need you! We need you!"

I promised them I would come back. I promised.

And when I came back in September I had every intention of keeping my promise. I drove by the road of the orphanage every day - but I put off my visit because I thought I had plenty of time...

It is that broken promise that keeps me awake now, and those cries through time that make me cry in the night.

But I have one thing to cling to...the burden and vision God revealed to me through those young girls and their cries and their desperation. It's why I want to go back; why I want to be a counselor; why I want to spend time and money going to school - because I love them. Because God loves them and I want to go back - to stay. And be prepared.

The verses of scripture for my reading today meant so much:

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusts in Thee. Trust ye in the LORD forever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength." Isaiah 26:3-4

The question for that reading said, "What is a steadfast mind and what are it's benefits?" I answered:

"To me, a steadfast mind is a mind with no doubts, no fears, no worries. The benefits are peace and confidence in your future, direction and purpose. A mind that is firmly established in the TRUTH and will not be swayed from that foundation at any cost or by any circumstance..."

The JOY of the LORD is my strength. I know I can rest in His peace, even when my life takes chaotic directions. There is a reason His peace is considered past understanding. There is no way else to explain it. He has given me a direction and a vision and a burden - something I didn't have even a year ago. And an iron will to carry it out. I have learned to live by the motto of the Roman Emperor Titus:  "Hasten Slowly."

I have learned to accept change, and the transition that every new and unexpected path takes - and to run towards it with open arms. I have learned to live in anticipation instead of complaining. To wait and to run.

I can't wait to see what 2011 brings.

Map tann...map vini.

Music

I don't why I decided to torture my readers by putting a playlist on my blog. I always hate opening a page and then being surprised when unfamiliar music starts pouring out of my speaker. Don't you hate it too? Like I said, I'm not sure what possessed me. And since it is December 1 and close to Christmas, it's about time for me to create a Christmas Music playlist! Oh, boy!

I love music. I cannot imagine life without it. It is one of God's greatest gifts to us. While musical ability runs in my family, music to me be continues to be very personal. I love it, I've been trained classically, and I understand it...but I'm not a performer when it comes to playing my violin. Unless I'm being paid. Isn't that pathetic? I've tried to diagnose my lack of confidence when performing on my violin and it makes no sense. I love singing, acting and public speaking. Those things do not make me nervous...at least to the extent of throwing up. But when I close my bedroom door, shut the windows and cover up the vent - I love to make music for my own personal satisfaction and emotional release.

I was five or six years old when I first introduced to the music of Antonio Vivaldi. My mom had a theatrical recording that told the story of a young girl arriving at his girl's musical boarding school in Venice, and was full of fictitious dialogue and mystery. However, it was also liberally sprinkled with Vivaldi's music, and I fell in love with the red-headed composer who had been dead for 250 years. I listened to that recording at least once a day, and acted out all of the main characters as I did so. I also begged my mom for violin lessons. Which I received.

I was happiest when I was finally able to start working on Vivaldi's violin concerto in A minor, 1st Movement. It was the song that started it all for me. And it is also the song that every Book 4 Suzuki violin student has been tortured by, since the program started. But I loved it. I can't play it very well anymore, but I still love it.

My siblings are better musicians that I am. My older sister is an amazing piano player and is pursuing her degree in music performance. She is making all As, of course. My brother was singing harmony when he was three years old and my little sister Anna, plays the piano by ear...both hands. I am not tone-deaf, but I had to teach myself to sing harmony when I was a teenager to avoid being embarrassed in chorale. I don't have perfect pitch, but after lessons with very talented music teachers, I am able to fine-tune my violin and other people's, with a musically trained ear - now very sensitive to the difference between sharp and flat. I don't have the best natural sense of rhythm - but I don't try and fake it! I had a teacher who taught me how to count, and count I do! I am not able to compose, retain music theory, or play a double clef instrument like my sister, but I have a deep appreciation for the time, effort, talent, emotional message, and professionalism that is put into songs and performances, and I understand chorale and orchestral protocol.

I am so thankful for the classical musical training I have received and for my parents for supplying it and pushing me when I did not want to perform! It has given me a strong foundation and an appreciation for the artistic expression of all kinds of music. I will always regret not going farther than I did in my training - but I look forward to reaping the benefits I received! Who knows...maybe I'm not finished...there just might be another beginning in my future!

Grateful Too

I remembered several hours after my blog post on gratitude that yes, I forget to say how grateful I am for BSF - and the impact it is making on my study of the Bible! And, apparently, it was an obvious mistake.

A second thing I am extremely thankful for this year is that Chris, my younger brother, is now bigger than me, taller than me, and stronger than me - which means he is now the one to carry the 40 pound bags of salt down into the cellar...YES!!

One more thing - after last night I am grateful for my warm bed...icy cold winds blowing 40 mph, blowing into the cracks in my window (ahh...winter is here) puts a whole new perspective on God's blessings. I know God is preparing me for something - I have begged on my knees - "God, please don't send me to Iceland, or Mongolia, or Antarctica...I love the Eskimos too...but, please send someone more qualified." So far, I have not felt that calling. And I tell people that being a missionary on a Caribbean island is really...convenient.

This weekend has been "awesomelly" happy too - starting with Thanksgiving on Thursday, shopping and football on Friday, a friend's wedding later this evening, my sister and I are planning to visit a friend's church tomorrow morning and fellowship with her on Sunday, and then BSF Monday night!

Blessings!

Unwritten

I am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovation

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, yeah

Oh, oh

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines, oh yeah yeah
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way oh, oh

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
the rest still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten

- Natasha Bedingfield