Spring

I look at the muddy, brown, gray, dead, landscape around me and am tempted to think of the symbolism it gives me about state of my heart.

And then I am reminded of all of the life teeming beneath the surface of this world around me...the magic and mystery of spring. When water and sunlight collide and life emerges from a seemingly dead land.

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in your sanctuary, beholding your POWER and GLORY. Because your steadfast LOVE is better than life, my lips will praise you. So will I bless your name as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands." Psalm 63:1-4

Spring gives HOPE. The coming of spring after a long, hard winter is a classic illustrative metaphor. But sometimes our hearts need springtime too. Our hearts need HOPE.

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the ROCK that is higher than I, for you have been a refuge, a strong tower  against the enemy." Psalm 61:1-2

Hope is life. But this week, I was reminded of the fragility of life. Our hope is not here, but in eternal life. In our Isaiah Bible Study about God, we are learning about the MIGHT, POWER and SOVEREIGNTY of God. His absolute control of history and individual lives. In this week's study there was a question that stood out, "When is it acceptable to question God?" The appropriate and Biblical answer to that would be, "Never." But in my heart I wanted to write, "When there is the death of an innocent child." Because that's what our family has been unwilling witnesses to this week - the death of an innocent child. A tragic accident...ten minutes alone...the what ifs and maybes and the desire to go back and change the past. The intense emotions, the prayers, tears...we have participated in these as Believers in the Body of Christ should...but by the grace of Christ, it hasn't been us at the hospital all week receiving bad news from surgeons; it's not our pain or our tragedy.

Why?

New believers are like tender plants in spring time. Too much frost, too much sun, too much water, too much wind...all these can kill a small plant. And in spiritual warfare, when you are grappling with cold, hard realities like death, and wrestling with questions such as, "Why would you take my son?", it is like huge blasts of icy wind that can kill infant faith.

Or it can make you stronger.

Sometimes "old" Christians, can feel young. Not new or fresh...but weary, tender, vulnerable, weak...I look at another's pain and I wonder, "Why not me...US?" And I look at the state of my heart - my worries, my desires, my complaints, my wants...me, me, me, my, my, my...and am overwhelmed with acid disgust at my selfishness. My self-centeredness. My sins. My...my...my...

Your Righteouness.

Like light behind a cloud, I am reminded of something bigger then myself...stronger...more glorious...more agonizing...more passionate. And like the hot rays of the sun the TRUTH bursts forth in a song more ancient than Time, more fulfilling then LOVE or ANSWERS...

"I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like a mist; RETURN to me, for I HAVE REDEEMED YOU. SING, O Heavens, for the LORD has done it; SHOUT, O depths of the earth; break forth into SINGING, O mountains, O forest, and every tree in it! For the LORD has REDEEMED Jacob, and will be GLORIFIED in Israel." Isaiah 44:22-23

"HE has REDEEMED my soul from going down into the pit, and my life shall look upon the LIGHT." Job 33:28

"Break forth together into SINGING, you waste places of Jerusalem, for the LORD has comforted His people; he has REDEEMED Jerusalem." Isaiah 52:9

"Christ REDEEMED US, from the curse of the LAW..." Galatians 3:13

Death and life...winter and spring...this earth is a cycle. There is no end to suffering, sickness, death, depression, riots, lies, selfishness, idolatry, bloodshed, murder, ignorance, war, destruction...the list goes on and on...It is the universe we live in. Marred by sin. Eating away, trying to destroy us, destroy who we are and Who we stand in.

But we are not of this world.

We are not part of this cycle of death and sin...though it affects us deeply, painfully.

We are of Another Kingdom.

We have been given HOPE, the eternal Springtime of the heart. Through His life in us we have ABUNDANT LIFE, HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS, STEADFAST LOVE, HIS GLORIOUS LIGHT...all these things we walk in, bending low perhaps in the force of spiritual winds and battles, but not breaking. Not always getting our answers, or the answers we want - but confident in this very thing...He who began the GOOD WORK in us, WILL FINISH IT.

March on...march on. Singing as we go...

"THE LORD HAS REDEEMED US."

HAVA NAGILA!

It started when my sister got home from her choir practice.

Actually, it started before that.

In case it hasn't been obvious from my blog, I'm getting really tired of winter. And cold. And snow. And ice. It's really easy to be depressed in the winter. The cold does strange things to your mind, like making you wonder if drowning is a really pain-free way to die...OK, so I'm not suicidal,but it is frightening because you can see how people with no hope or truth can despair.

But despair is a sin. And it happens. Even to the children of God, when that familiar demon perches on your shoulder and starts whispering. The children of Israel had very good reasons to despair in Isaiah. The prophet foretold that they would be captured by the king of Babylon and 130 years later, what God predicted happened. Imagine being seized from your homeland, made a slave in a foreign country where you were forced by threat of death, to worship false idols. You would be wondering if God remembered His promise to you. If He even remembered you...if He cared. But He had already ordained a means of escape, even before the tragedy occurred. He had Cyrus, king of Persia conquer Babylon and allow the Jews return to Jerusalem. All of these events were foretold 200 before they happened, and were planned far, far before in Eternity.

Because the Truth is, God never forgot the children of Israel. He comforted them and upheld with the right hand of His righteousness. His plans and visions for Israel never changed, even in the midst of discipline, because His relationship with them was a covenant relationship, and nothing, nothing no kings, or powers, or sin could ever change His steadfast LOVE. And still that remains today, because we are in a covenant relationship with God through Christ:

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the LOVE of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

Sometimes things seem worse than they are. But we always have this triumphal declaration to hold up above our heads..."MORE THAN CONQUERORS!"

So while contemplating these things, and the praise that the children of Israel offered God for their deliverance, my little sister came home from choir practice with a new song. Anna is learning, "Hava Nagila", a traditional Jewish song and dance of praise. She has been flitting around the house singing it and playing it on the computer for two days now, and try as hard as I can, I can't get it out of my head. But that's OK, because it makes me smile. I wonder how long this song as been around, and how long God's children have sung it in praise to Him. The words are:

Hava nagila, hava nagila, hava nagila v'nismeha

Hava neranenah, hava neranenah, hava neranenah v'nismeha

Uru, uru ahim! Uru ahim b'lev sameah!

Let's rejoice, let's rejoice, let's rejoice and be happy!

Let's sing, let's sing, let's sing and be happy!

Awake brothers! Awake brothers, with a happy heart!

If this song doesn't make you smile and want to dance, then there is something wrong with you!

LET'S REJOICE!

Not Cool

This is not cool...it's cold. It's freezing. Freezing rain to be specific.

No, it's not funny.

I cannot wait for winter to be over. I will keep living in denial and claiming that it's not really winter, which is very hard to do when there is giant winter storm bearing down claiming adjectives such as, "massive", "historic", "crippling", and "horrific". So by 7 PM tonight we should be covered in freezing rain, followed by sleet slathering everything in an inch of deadly ice, destroying power lines and making roads impassable death traps. Then we will get a 12-18 inches of snow, just to top everything off like a layer of mockingly fluffy meringue.

So if there are no posts in the next few days, it's because I'm huddled over a fire trying to stay alive along with my family with no electricity in 8 degrees F.

Ohhhhhhh!!! I'm sorry God, but I hate winter!!!

Cool...and not Cool

OK - sometimes you have cool things....and not so cool things happen. Kinda like this idea. But you live with it...right?

Not Cool:

- Snow/Ice/Freezing rain/Freezing wind
- Sneezing every time  I put on mascara. Not kidding.
- Staying up waaaaay too late because you were talking to your friend on the phone for three hours.
- Having a black guy ask me, "Hey girl! How'd you put on so much weight in Haiti?" Uh....I didn't...I lost weight, Taurus!
-My bangs. Which desperately need to be trimmed - actually my whole head of hair, really needs to be cut.
- Speaking of my hair - it's not cool to keep getting a bad rap from my family for getting it everywhere. Actually, it's not cool that it gets everywhere...I can't help having thick, beautiful hair! I hope my husband appreciates my hair, because it will be all over the shower and sheets
- Memorizing my scripts lines for the play I'm in
- Studying for my General Physchology test
- Accounting. But I finished those receipts without any mistakes!
- Kacie Davis won't update her blog
- This movie....
- Not seeing my sissy much because of school...

Cool:

- Spending Friday evening playing with my little sister's hair while she read me a story...she loves reading stories.
-Spending Saturday evening listening to my little brother's dreams of playing football one day.
- BSF tonight!! I missed Bible Study Fellowship while it was off for Christmas, but the past two weeks have been awesome!
- Buying a book I really wanted off of Amazon for $2.99!!
- Our new church and the wonderful people in it. Thank You, God for answering our prayers!!
- Play practice!! I get to be in a play! I'm so happy! (Except for the memorizing part...)
- Studying for my General Physchology test. (Yes, it's cool and not cool) ;)
- Our new dining room
- Spanish guitar music
- This WONDERFUL bit of news...After all my ranting and raving on politics and patriotism I now see some definite volunteer campaigning in my future...
- Jesus

<3

"Now may our God and Father Himself, and our Lord Jesus, direct our way to you, and may the Lord make you increase and abound in LOVE for one another and for all, as we do for you, so that He may establish your hearts blameless in HOLINESS before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all His saints...REJOICE always; PRAY without ceasing, GIVE THANKS in ALL circumstances; for this is the WILL of God in Christ Jesus concerning you!."

I Thessalonions 3:11; 5:16-18

Happy Monday!

The Edge of Vengeful Sanity

My sister is learning Scriabin's Etude Opus 8, Number 12 in D sharp minor.

I love it.

She has wanted to learn it for years. As she was practicing it very slowly, hands separate the other day, it was difficult to recognize. I told her whatever she was playing was mournful and was making me sad. She said it was supposed to be faster - at which pace it was still mournful, but less sad. More tainted with - revenge! As one person described it on YouTube: "If there is one piece that would represent the agony of a man on the verge of sanity, this would most likely be the piece..." So, my lovelies, if you like feeling as though you are tottering on the edge of vengeful sanity in a blindingly white snowstorm, then without much further ado, is Vladimir Horowitz playing Scriabin's Etude in D sharp minor:

And the Wall Came Tumbling Down...

This is Adam's Rib old dining room.

(With Larry & Daddy)

Note the wall in the back.

And this, after my brother and Dad tore the wall down...(well, half of it.)

Tom, of the Tom & Rick duo (and the mastermind of the remake) varnishing the wood.

And..."voila"...as they say. The new dining room. (Well, part of it.) Badly documented, I know...But the wall used to be where the wood ends and the painted wall begins.

Here's the story: At some point in time over the past five years of being open, (exactly when is impossible  to say) two guys started coming into the restaurant. Their names were Tom & Rick. They drove a delivery truck for a big store in the nearest big city over in Indiana. They only did that on the side though -in their real jobs they were firemen and paramedics. They were fellow believers and hard-working, intelligent, and good adapters. As they came more frequently, and stayed longer, we had a lot of opportunities to sit down, talk and get to know each other.

Tom is a visionary. He has many great ideas, that Rick good-naturedly goes along with. (Like becoming delivery guys!) Tom is a quasi-modern-day Jimmy Stewart. Laid-back in his discussions of his schemes, but high-strung in the execution. He's done a lot over his years, and even went to Port-de-Paix, Haiti, when he was in college. Rick, is laid-back no matter what the situation. Always the same, he can stay humorous in any situation, but because he is ex-Army and fought in Desert Storm Operation, he has a serous "get-'er-done" work ethic. He likes to "spread the Love, man." Rick has even worked with me in the restaurant on two occasions, one scheduled and one impromptu. He is an excellent front-of-house-man. While he was working on the electrical re-wiring, during the remodeling project, I was left alone in the kitchen and got slammed with five customers. When the phone range, Rick calmly put down his tools and wandered in with a smile and a "Need help?" and answered it for me, as I frantically run around. "Hey, fellas! What can I get you?" He good-naturedly took charge of the cash register, so I could make the orders.

Inspired by my dad, Tom & Rick are opening their own restaurant, in which my dad will become an equal third partner when opening comes. Artistic and detailed, they have been remodeling and reconverting an old firehouse building into an authentic, barbecue restaurant for about a year now. Opening will probably be sometime this spring. But in the mean time...they wanted to help out my dad - whose restaurant desperately needed a 'face-lift.' So, they did an extreme "dining-room makeover" and thanks to their server's hearts and hard-work we now have a new dining room!

Now we need to get them in our ghetto kitchen and fix that...I'm getting tired of crawling around on the floor to turn the hot water on...

From customers...to friends...to business partners. You  never know what can happen.

Thanks Tom & Rick!!

I love this place. Really. I do.

Happy Birthday, Anna!

So one of the beeeest thing every new year brings, is my precious, beautiful sister's birthday. And this year was special because she reached double-digits. Ten years old!

Sometimes I wonder what my life was like before my two youngest siblings were born.

They both bring quite a lot of joy and...interest to my life. Anna, especially, amazes me almost everyday.

She is a typical little girl in that she adores everything beautiful - clothes, make-up and fingernail polish. She loves to try on our clothes, comment on our clothes, and watch us put our make-up on, and comment on our make-up. Because she shares a bedroom with two older sisters, she has an amazing quickness of tongue and can hold her own in an argument even if her logic is flawed. She loves to laugh and make people laugh, and it a natural comedienne. And sometimes she says things that she doesn't even mean to be funny. The other day, she came stomping upstairs, upset about the teasing she had just gotten from her older brother...

"WHY did God make Adam?" She huffed. "WHY didn't he make them ALL Eves? I don't like MEN...the only man I like is Jesus...(silence)...and Daddy...(silence)...and Grandpa...and all the other men - but not the rest of them!"

Another winner...

"Living is hard."

But for all her drama...Anna has a very tender heart. She hates to see anyone or anything suffer. She can't even listen to sad music because it makes her cry. She loves people and animals. She is mercy, and it is a gift from God that He is going to use greatly through her. She loves to serve, and will often make our beds, pick-up our clothes, wash dishes and do anything that needs to be done, because it makes her feel "grown-up".  She is wildly artistic...she loves to draw, play piano, sing, knit - even write books! Anything that involves creating, she can do it.

I love my little (now getting bigger) sissy, and I pray all the time that God would make me a better sister. I can't wait to see how God uses her!!

I love you Anna!

Happy New Year!

Well, after keeping this article in my draft folder for over a week, it's difficult to see the point in saying "Happy New Year", a week in. Isn't it funny how quickly a new year loses it's "newness".

I love the song on this video. I heard it on the radio as my sister and I drove to a friend's house New Year's Eve. We were looking forward to spending the night full of fun and games. But as we drove through the darkness on the highway and passed through the city, this song came on the radio and it's message struck me in a new way. I looked out the window to hide my tears.

It was literally the last song we listened to on that radio, since that night my sister's car was targeted, and a midnight thief high on alcohol and who-knows-what-else, ripped the radio and CD player out of our car. Happy New Year.

I have made no attempt to hide my eagerness for 2010 to be over. I was glad to see it go; and was looking forward to seeing what 2011 would bring - hoping it would be better than 2010. That year started going down-hill for me twelve days into the new year. But, God got a hold of me and exposed the selfishness of my delight.

Because two days before the new year, a dear friend of ours was diagnosed with Stage One cancer. A young lady, who is still single and an example in her faith and love of the Lord. A friend, who has encouraged us,  in many ways. In fact, there are three books sitting on our bookshelf all about trusting God, that came to us from her.

The first week of December, I enjoyed reminiscing about my "surprise" trip to Haiti - already a year ago. But those good memories were shadowed when I heard from my friend who took me there, that Pastor Nene had been in a terrible accident, and was now struggling with recovery from severe brain damage. Pastor Nene, who good naturedly followed us all over Port-au-Prince and up into the mountains; who patiently waited for us while we played duck-duck-goose with the kids in the orphanage. Pastor Nene, who gladly translated for us, and was always available, even if that meant spending more time away from his family. Pastor Nene, who proudly introduced us to his beautiful family, and his joyful church. Pastor Nene, who translated for me in the prison, as I shared the message God laid on my heart to the women behind iron bars, and who helped me pray with them as they accepted salvation.

Then there's Betsey, my new friend who, along with her husband, had adopted two beautiful sisters from Haiti after the earthquake. They had been trying to adopt a third handicapped little girl, who had lived with them while in the States on her medical visa. Now that her mother has decided she can't provide and take care of her, they're trying to get her back. Only a few weeks before the new year, they discovered that the Embassy in Haiti has denied her a visa. Now what?

This list can go on and on...

While I may be looking forward to 2011 - what frightening depths of the unknown it holds for people close to me in Christ.

Depressing sounding, isn't it? That's not how I mean it. God,  in His great mercy, often delights in our impossibly despairing circumstances, in order to show us Who He is. It's a lesson for all of us in the body of Christ and it certainly has been for me. While these depressing circumstances are not happening to me personally, how can I do my duty and help bear the burdens in the church of Christ, if I am so concentrated on my own personal comfort, "I'm so happy 2010 is over!" Sin and it's affects follow us everywhere. Even into New Years. Sickness and disappointment are not unknown to Him, the Man of Sorrows.

So that's why that song meant so much to me. It was like everything was just made clear. No matter what resolutions I make for perfection, living in this sinful world will hurt and disappoint and mess up my plans. So my one resolution for this year, that I have no idea what happiness or maybe sorrow, it will bring for me or loved ones:

"Be strong in the LORD!"

And my prayer for those around me - whether I weep or rejoice with them:

"Be strong in the LORD!"

I'm still looking forward to this year...but not for myself. I'm just excited to see what God will do - in me, everywhere and all around me.

Happy New Year!

A Merrrrrry Christmas!

I hope everybody had a merry Christmas.

As usual, ours was a laid-back, lay-around-and-eat-all-you-can weekend. It's amazing how things change when you get older. The nicest thing about Christmas is not presents or food to me, but just the relaxation of having the business closed and everyone at home together just spending time, playing music, playing games and watching a movie. Of course, spending our Christmas Eve in our new church, worshipping and celebrating our Savior's birth was the most beautiful memory.

Well, I have to admit I did get a little bored over the weekend...so I spent some time playing around with my camera...

And I took pictures of my eye:

and myself:

and waaay too many videos of my adorable, beautiful, hilarious, talented, kooky little sister, Anna. Here's a precious picture from our Christmas. What personalities...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

By the way, this is my favorite Christmas related story ever!

Happy Birthday, Christopher!

Yesterday my little brother turned 15! I can't believe it...

15 years ago, my sister and I stayed at my grandma's house the day after Christmas. It's because mommy was in the hospital having "the baby." Mommy and daddy didn't want to find out the gender of "the baby", but I knew it was a boy. When mommy and daddy told Jessica and I that we were going to have a new baby, we were outside on the back deck. We were so excited we jumped up and down until the deck shook and they made us stop. But I had always wanted a big brother, and since that was an impossibility, I knew I would get a little brother.

So we were playing the new board game, 'Sorry!' that we got for Christmas, on the floor of mamaw's living room, and everytime the phone rang, mamaw would jump up, thinking it was my daddy calling from the hospital. The next day, mommy and daddy and the baby were home. I remember pulling in the driveway, so excited to see if mommy wasn't fat anymore and to see the new baby...

Jessica and I raced into the door and there on the sofa sat mommy and daddy...and on the floor in a baby carrier was the baby.

Mom and Dad named him Christopher Gordon. His middle name is after daddy's name. His first name means "Christ-Bearer."

I am amazed on how Chris has grown up. I can't believe it's been 15 years. I am proud and grateful for the example of Christ he has become even at his young age, and the way he has grown in his faith. He is developing into a strong leader his younger (and older) siblings can look up to, and has a sense of discernment that goes beyond his age. And after years of worrying that he won't grow out of the white cowboy boots, purple cape, and Revolutionary hat stage - he has developed quite the sense of fashion. A result of having two older sisters and growing up listening to them talk about clothes. He is a hard worker and also very artistic. He loves music, photography, and building things.

I am grateful for my "little-big" brother. You make me laugh and you inspire me.

Thanks for getting me hooked on Jack Johnson. I should have listened to you months ago. ;)

I love you.

Happy Birthday!

Beware of Ishmael

Winter is a good time for disillusionment.

That is what I always try to protect myself from in these months. Perspective helps - so does laughing, visiting friends, planning trips, Christmas lights, and family movie times.

Oh, and prayer. And Scripture.

Maybe it's just part of growing up. Everyone has their times of the year when they start to reflect. Looking back at only my short twenty years, I'm surprised at the paths I've been taken on. I can't wait to see what else is ahead.

 If I can keep discouragement away.

My sister and I went out Saturday night - met a friend at the mall and went out to eat. We've know R---- for years. Literally. We grew up in the same church, under a lot of the same circumstances: home schooled, big family, old house, family-owned business, conservative values - some family's more legalistic than others. She and my sister go to the same college, and "school talk" dominated much of the conversation.

"So how about you, Emily?" She asked, as we both paused in Old Navy and browsed some scarves, "You have any school plans?"

"Yeah..." I replied

"What? What was that look for?" She asked.

"I don't know. I do have some plans. I'm starting a long distance degree in Christian Counseling from a seminary in January - but it's unaccredited, so...I still want to start in Sinclair next fall and get an Associates in Communications. Anyway, that's the plan...." I finished with a smile.

R---- gave an approving look, "That's cool. Stick to your plan."

 She turned to me, suddenly and her voice intensified, "Because as much as I would love to believe in Prince Charming and that he'll just come riding up - it won't happen. You have to make plans for yourself."

I took in what she said, and teased her a little for her "words of wisdom." But I know her too well. And I know myself. It is all too attractive to think discouragingly. Too tempting to believe in the necessity of self-sufficiency. R---- plays that role well - but that's all it is: a role. For all her big talk, she is like every other wounded, vulnerable, waiting young lady. Because no matter how you were raised, or how good you are - you will be wounded. That's what happens in a world of sin. Ugly, sickening sin. What is so easy to "forget", is where sin abounds, grace much, much more abounds!

"My goal in life is to never live with someone else again. After six brothers - are you kidding me? I'm serious!" She said as we made our way through the Saturday night shopping crowds. We chose to ignore that comment.

Because later, sitting the quiet restaurant booth, after finishing our meals, she told on herself.

"I'm in a Bible study with several other girls and we're praying for each of our requests specifically. My request was that either God would allow something to happen with "this guy", or that I would get over him and neither has happened. God is answered all the other girls requests, and I feel like God is ignoring me."

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their wings, they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Wait, I say, wait on the Lord."

But she knows the Scriptures. She was raised in them as we were as well. And sometimes it's just hard to hold on. That's why God tells us to pray for faith. Pray, pray, pray...

Lord, I believe...help Thou my unbelief!"

Rebekah said she texted her older, wiser, married sister.

"Tell me again," She wrote, "why it's important to wait on God?"

The answer?

"Because if you don't, Ishmael happens."

"I thought that was a really cool answer," R---- said.

I agree.

Thank You

I am sitting in the restaurant, ready to start studying the notes of my Bible study, and blog about my discoveries. Larry just walked in the door with a cup of hot coffee and an apple turnover for me. It was pleasant, comfortable...thoughtful. It reminded me of the core lesson in this past week's Bible study.

Praise God.

Sometimes it's just a thoughtless phrase..."Well, praise the Lord." We sings songs and hymns about it, and read Psalms...but do we do it as a thoughtful, intent action - as much as we should? And what do we do it for?

One of the most convicting things that Jane said on Monday nights lecture seemed rather cliched. She presented the idea of keeping a list things we are thankful for - things to praise God for everyday.

"Why don't I do that?" I had to ask myself...

It is so easy to complain. So, so easy. Why should it be hard to praise God - all the time? Point in case:

I hate snow. I. Hate. It. And sometimes I want everyone to know. All of those happy, ignorant people who slather the social websites with their exultations on the beauty and fun of snow. I wish I could tell ALL of them:

"Ahem, excuse me, people! For all of you out there who think that snow is pretty and fun, please remember that snow was NOT in God's original design of creation. Snow means cold - which means death and barrenness. It is destructive and miserable. For those of you who live in warmer climates, which might get three-four inches of snow during the winter months, or have only seen it in pictures, OR live in small neighborhoods, where your brother gets out and shovels your tiny driveway before you go outside, salt trucks go up and down your neighborhood street early in the morning and the wind is blocked by buildings - you don't know what you're talking about. You've never been snowed in by four foot drifts that form five minutes after you've shoveled your sidewalk, caused by 40 mph sub-zero winds whipping across acres and acres of empty cornfields and blowing through your layers of clothes like icy needles and even through the cracks of your bedroom window. So please, remember - snow is NOT fun! It is anything, but that."

But I don't say that. That's mean. I wouldn't want to be responsible for ruining anyone's delusions - I mean - illusion of snow.

Still - as much as I am NOT a snow person, when the wind calms, and the clouds clear and the sun shines on the acres and acres of pure, white, sparkling snow that spread all around my property - there is really nothing like that real life picture to remind me of the reality of God's promise -

"Come now, let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow..." Isaiah 1:18

"Thank you God, for the beautiful picture you have given me through Your creation of snow, of the work You faithfully do in my soul."

So instead of keeping a record of the 2, 931 reasons why I hate snow, cold and winter in general...why not keep a record of the work God does? Even the little things that make me happy - small and inconsequential - can be little gifts from a loving Father.

Thank you for warm fires...

Thank you for good friends - who kindly bring me hot food and warm coffee to share together...

Thank you for the good business we have had, and the faithful customers who come out even in 14 degrees F....

Thank you I have a home, bed and food for my mouth.

Thank you for laughter, which makes EVERYTHING better...

Thank you I do not have to live in the middle of instability and riots...

Thank you for Your Word - which is always the same and always perfect...

Thank you for love...

Lesson learned.

Music

I don't why I decided to torture my readers by putting a playlist on my blog. I always hate opening a page and then being surprised when unfamiliar music starts pouring out of my speaker. Don't you hate it too? Like I said, I'm not sure what possessed me. And since it is December 1 and close to Christmas, it's about time for me to create a Christmas Music playlist! Oh, boy!

I love music. I cannot imagine life without it. It is one of God's greatest gifts to us. While musical ability runs in my family, music to me be continues to be very personal. I love it, I've been trained classically, and I understand it...but I'm not a performer when it comes to playing my violin. Unless I'm being paid. Isn't that pathetic? I've tried to diagnose my lack of confidence when performing on my violin and it makes no sense. I love singing, acting and public speaking. Those things do not make me nervous...at least to the extent of throwing up. But when I close my bedroom door, shut the windows and cover up the vent - I love to make music for my own personal satisfaction and emotional release.

I was five or six years old when I first introduced to the music of Antonio Vivaldi. My mom had a theatrical recording that told the story of a young girl arriving at his girl's musical boarding school in Venice, and was full of fictitious dialogue and mystery. However, it was also liberally sprinkled with Vivaldi's music, and I fell in love with the red-headed composer who had been dead for 250 years. I listened to that recording at least once a day, and acted out all of the main characters as I did so. I also begged my mom for violin lessons. Which I received.

I was happiest when I was finally able to start working on Vivaldi's violin concerto in A minor, 1st Movement. It was the song that started it all for me. And it is also the song that every Book 4 Suzuki violin student has been tortured by, since the program started. But I loved it. I can't play it very well anymore, but I still love it.

My siblings are better musicians that I am. My older sister is an amazing piano player and is pursuing her degree in music performance. She is making all As, of course. My brother was singing harmony when he was three years old and my little sister Anna, plays the piano by ear...both hands. I am not tone-deaf, but I had to teach myself to sing harmony when I was a teenager to avoid being embarrassed in chorale. I don't have perfect pitch, but after lessons with very talented music teachers, I am able to fine-tune my violin and other people's, with a musically trained ear - now very sensitive to the difference between sharp and flat. I don't have the best natural sense of rhythm - but I don't try and fake it! I had a teacher who taught me how to count, and count I do! I am not able to compose, retain music theory, or play a double clef instrument like my sister, but I have a deep appreciation for the time, effort, talent, emotional message, and professionalism that is put into songs and performances, and I understand chorale and orchestral protocol.

I am so thankful for the classical musical training I have received and for my parents for supplying it and pushing me when I did not want to perform! It has given me a strong foundation and an appreciation for the artistic expression of all kinds of music. I will always regret not going farther than I did in my training - but I look forward to reaping the benefits I received! Who knows...maybe I'm not finished...there just might be another beginning in my future!

Happiness

I love it when you realize in the small, inconsequential moments that it's where the best memories are made. Here are some of my week's awesomelly, happy highlights:

- My sister's chorale performance of Handel's 'Messiah', last Sunday night, and eating cheap ice cream in our fancy clothes, afterwards with a friend.

- Practicing my violin for the first time in ions, and realizing that I don't sound as bad as I thought.

- Listening and watching my brilliant younger siblings - playing the piano by ear, drawing pictures, and never failing to delight me with their funny sayings.

- Sitting in the restaurant dining room with Larry, introducing him to 'Dirait-on'.

- Thanksgiving with family and friends.

- Laughing so hard with my big sis in the beauty aisle at Wal-Mart, that we were crying and had to sit on the floor.

- Watching and sniffling through 'An Affair to Remember' for the first time, with my big sis. "Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories..."

- Any time I get to listen to music, in it's many, heavenly forms!!

- Standing in the fitting room at Khol's and realizing that the size 6 jeans fit me better then size 8!

-Looking into a baby's huge blue eyes, while waiting in the checkout line.

- Hunkering down for some football with a warm stove, spicy nachos and a cold CokeZero...sometimes I really love coming to work.

:)

Anyone want to share their awesomelly, happy moments?