Searcher of Spirits

Searcher of spirits,

Try Thou my reins and heart;

Cleanse Thou my inwards part -

Turn, overturn, and turn.

Wood, hay and stubble see

Now spread out before Thee;

Burn, burn.

Worker in gardens,

Dig around my hidden root,

Let branch, leaf, bud and fruit

Respond in quickening life.

Seek out the canker there -

Cut out and do not spare

Thy knife.

Savior of sinners,

Out of the depths I cry,

"Perfect me or I die -

Perfect me, O Patient One";

In Thy revealing light

I stand confessed - outright

Undone.

O to be Holy!

Thou wilt not say to me nay

Who movest me to pray;

"Enable to endure."

Spiritual cleansing Fire,

Fulfill my heart's desire;

Make pure.

- Amy Carmichael

The Voice of Truth

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER and of LOVE and of a SOUND MIND."
II Timothy 1:7

February 19, 2011

"Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints." Psalm 116:15

"But Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of Heaven.'" Matthew 19:14

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be any mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." Revelation 21:4

Rest in peace, Jonah.

Spring

I look at the muddy, brown, gray, dead, landscape around me and am tempted to think of the symbolism it gives me about state of my heart.

And then I am reminded of all of the life teeming beneath the surface of this world around me...the magic and mystery of spring. When water and sunlight collide and life emerges from a seemingly dead land.

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in your sanctuary, beholding your POWER and GLORY. Because your steadfast LOVE is better than life, my lips will praise you. So will I bless your name as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands." Psalm 63:1-4

Spring gives HOPE. The coming of spring after a long, hard winter is a classic illustrative metaphor. But sometimes our hearts need springtime too. Our hearts need HOPE.

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the ROCK that is higher than I, for you have been a refuge, a strong tower  against the enemy." Psalm 61:1-2

Hope is life. But this week, I was reminded of the fragility of life. Our hope is not here, but in eternal life. In our Isaiah Bible Study about God, we are learning about the MIGHT, POWER and SOVEREIGNTY of God. His absolute control of history and individual lives. In this week's study there was a question that stood out, "When is it acceptable to question God?" The appropriate and Biblical answer to that would be, "Never." But in my heart I wanted to write, "When there is the death of an innocent child." Because that's what our family has been unwilling witnesses to this week - the death of an innocent child. A tragic accident...ten minutes alone...the what ifs and maybes and the desire to go back and change the past. The intense emotions, the prayers, tears...we have participated in these as Believers in the Body of Christ should...but by the grace of Christ, it hasn't been us at the hospital all week receiving bad news from surgeons; it's not our pain or our tragedy.

Why?

New believers are like tender plants in spring time. Too much frost, too much sun, too much water, too much wind...all these can kill a small plant. And in spiritual warfare, when you are grappling with cold, hard realities like death, and wrestling with questions such as, "Why would you take my son?", it is like huge blasts of icy wind that can kill infant faith.

Or it can make you stronger.

Sometimes "old" Christians, can feel young. Not new or fresh...but weary, tender, vulnerable, weak...I look at another's pain and I wonder, "Why not me...US?" And I look at the state of my heart - my worries, my desires, my complaints, my wants...me, me, me, my, my, my...and am overwhelmed with acid disgust at my selfishness. My self-centeredness. My sins. My...my...my...

Your Righteouness.

Like light behind a cloud, I am reminded of something bigger then myself...stronger...more glorious...more agonizing...more passionate. And like the hot rays of the sun the TRUTH bursts forth in a song more ancient than Time, more fulfilling then LOVE or ANSWERS...

"I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like a mist; RETURN to me, for I HAVE REDEEMED YOU. SING, O Heavens, for the LORD has done it; SHOUT, O depths of the earth; break forth into SINGING, O mountains, O forest, and every tree in it! For the LORD has REDEEMED Jacob, and will be GLORIFIED in Israel." Isaiah 44:22-23

"HE has REDEEMED my soul from going down into the pit, and my life shall look upon the LIGHT." Job 33:28

"Break forth together into SINGING, you waste places of Jerusalem, for the LORD has comforted His people; he has REDEEMED Jerusalem." Isaiah 52:9

"Christ REDEEMED US, from the curse of the LAW..." Galatians 3:13

Death and life...winter and spring...this earth is a cycle. There is no end to suffering, sickness, death, depression, riots, lies, selfishness, idolatry, bloodshed, murder, ignorance, war, destruction...the list goes on and on...It is the universe we live in. Marred by sin. Eating away, trying to destroy us, destroy who we are and Who we stand in.

But we are not of this world.

We are not part of this cycle of death and sin...though it affects us deeply, painfully.

We are of Another Kingdom.

We have been given HOPE, the eternal Springtime of the heart. Through His life in us we have ABUNDANT LIFE, HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS, STEADFAST LOVE, HIS GLORIOUS LIGHT...all these things we walk in, bending low perhaps in the force of spiritual winds and battles, but not breaking. Not always getting our answers, or the answers we want - but confident in this very thing...He who began the GOOD WORK in us, WILL FINISH IT.

March on...march on. Singing as we go...

"THE LORD HAS REDEEMED US."

Prayer Request

"He hath never failed thee yet.

Never will His Love forget.

O fret not thyself, not let

Thy heart be troubled,

Neither let it be afraid."

- Amy Carmichael 

My heart is heavy today...reminders of the Sovereignty of God fill my heart, but I pray for her, who is suffering. O God, let it not be so!

Praying for little Jonah...

HAVA NAGILA!

It started when my sister got home from her choir practice.

Actually, it started before that.

In case it hasn't been obvious from my blog, I'm getting really tired of winter. And cold. And snow. And ice. It's really easy to be depressed in the winter. The cold does strange things to your mind, like making you wonder if drowning is a really pain-free way to die...OK, so I'm not suicidal,but it is frightening because you can see how people with no hope or truth can despair.

But despair is a sin. And it happens. Even to the children of God, when that familiar demon perches on your shoulder and starts whispering. The children of Israel had very good reasons to despair in Isaiah. The prophet foretold that they would be captured by the king of Babylon and 130 years later, what God predicted happened. Imagine being seized from your homeland, made a slave in a foreign country where you were forced by threat of death, to worship false idols. You would be wondering if God remembered His promise to you. If He even remembered you...if He cared. But He had already ordained a means of escape, even before the tragedy occurred. He had Cyrus, king of Persia conquer Babylon and allow the Jews return to Jerusalem. All of these events were foretold 200 before they happened, and were planned far, far before in Eternity.

Because the Truth is, God never forgot the children of Israel. He comforted them and upheld with the right hand of His righteousness. His plans and visions for Israel never changed, even in the midst of discipline, because His relationship with them was a covenant relationship, and nothing, nothing no kings, or powers, or sin could ever change His steadfast LOVE. And still that remains today, because we are in a covenant relationship with God through Christ:

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the LOVE of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

Sometimes things seem worse than they are. But we always have this triumphal declaration to hold up above our heads..."MORE THAN CONQUERORS!"

So while contemplating these things, and the praise that the children of Israel offered God for their deliverance, my little sister came home from choir practice with a new song. Anna is learning, "Hava Nagila", a traditional Jewish song and dance of praise. She has been flitting around the house singing it and playing it on the computer for two days now, and try as hard as I can, I can't get it out of my head. But that's OK, because it makes me smile. I wonder how long this song as been around, and how long God's children have sung it in praise to Him. The words are:

Hava nagila, hava nagila, hava nagila v'nismeha

Hava neranenah, hava neranenah, hava neranenah v'nismeha

Uru, uru ahim! Uru ahim b'lev sameah!

Let's rejoice, let's rejoice, let's rejoice and be happy!

Let's sing, let's sing, let's sing and be happy!

Awake brothers! Awake brothers, with a happy heart!

If this song doesn't make you smile and want to dance, then there is something wrong with you!

LET'S REJOICE!

Willing-Hearted in LOVE

"And they came both men and women as many as were willing-hearted, and brought bracelets and earrings and tablets and jewels of gold, and every man that offered, offered an offering of gold unto the Lord." Exodus 35:22 (KJV)

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

"...give and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38

The last verse listed here, the Words of Jesus from the Gospel, was a verse I claimed for myself in 2009. I didn't make any money. But I felt God's conviction on the beginning of the year to give to missions through my church. So I prayed about an amount, and told God that if He supplied it each month, I would faithfully give towards missions. That summer I was able to take a mission trip to Juarez, Mexico - expenses paid. I was also able to spend a month that October in Port-au-Prince, Haiti - expenses paid. I discovered the power first hand of letting go, faithfully trusting, and depending on God's supply. My amount that I gave was little in most people's terms, but like the widow's mite, it was a large sum to me because it was almost all I made. And in return I received over $2,000.

It took me a long time to get to the point of being willing to give in church towards missions. That's funny isn't it, for someone who wants to be a missionary? Rather, selfish? I sat under pastors and missionaries and teachers though who instilled a great bitterness in my heart towards tithing. It was only for a little while, but it was long enough to damage my heart. I was subjected to heated sermons, all on the subject of money. "If you weren't giving to missions, you were disobeying God; you weren't being the Christian you were supposed to be; you were weak in the faith if you didn't trust God to supply your needs if you gave to missionaries!"

 I wanted to stand up in my pew, point my finger in these fat, bloated, red-faced missionaries' faces and say, "How dare you accuse me of not trusting God, when by exhorting money from the weak, poor widows in this church, you are doing the same thing! Why don't you take your own advise and trust God to meet your needs instead of wheedling it from us?"

But God worked in my heart, helped me remove that root of Bitterness, and showed me through His Word, and the Holy Spirit where I needed to be faithful to my brothers and sisters already on the harvest field. So I gave - silently and quietly, in a way that was between me and God. And didn't have anything to do with any inflicted guilt by obese missionaries.

I've been around so many fat missionaries in my short life that I am completely merciless towards them. I have heard so many preach, and seen so many PowerPoint presentations that they all run together. I also know the truth - that most "missionaries" spend so much time on the road in America going from church to church begging for money, that most of the money you give them goes towards gasoline and fast-food. Some "missionaries' spend years  on the road before they have the "funds" necessary for "living expenses" in a foreign country.

Am I accusing all missionaries of being corrupt? No. Not at all. In fact most, I am sure, are acting out of the best intentions. But because they don't know, or want to believe better, they spend years of their ministry living in frustration. I know it's not easy to sacrifice the comfort of home and America. To struggle with poverty; to know that you could get a better job, provide for your children and family better...I respect anyone who would give their life to be on the mission field. I would respect them because that's all I know about them. Only God knows the true condition of men's hearts.

But you can't convince me that all are serving without "sounding brass and tinkling cymbal."

And I've been around so much sounding brass over my lifetime that my head still rings.

Because I've noticed a deadly cycle among ministries. And there is a far, far greater danger then never acquiring enough money. There is a far more treacherous path that leads away from Faith and LOVE. When the details become about money, funds, supplies, and donations...you lose something.

Your focus.

Your purpose.

Your focus

You lose LOVE.

I remember the first time I was in Haiti...in Saint Louis-du-Nord. I experienced many, many things - but two incidents occurred that colored the way of my thinking in regards to LOVE & MISSIONS.

One afternoon a missionary family stopped by the Ebenezer Mission...friends of the missionaries there. All I remember is the woman's loud voice. I remember her loud criticismss of the very people she was called to serve. I remember her complaining and the way her silent husband stood shrinkingly behind her. I remember their small son, about seven years old, watching the Haitian boys in the courtyard fight over the cold, left over pancakes the Becky threw down to them. I remember his nonchalant manner, and the tone in which he commented,

"They wouldn't be fighting like that if I had my BB gun here!"

I remember wanting to pick him up and throw him over the balcony, but I reminded myself that it wasn't his fault. Because that kind of attitude and prejudice is learned. It is acquired. And I silently accused his parents.

These people ran an orphanage in Port-de-Paix. They sacrificed much I am sure to live full time in Haiti and to raise their children in a foreign country. Their ministry undoubtedly did so much good and gave children a better chance at life - instead of being on the streets, or serving as restaveks, they were educated, fed, taught about Jesus and loved...

But was it love?

I watched this unfold before my eyes, and while praying that God would keep me from judgement towards them I also prayed that He would keep from such an attitude. "Keep me from that, LORD!" Pharisaical sounding perhaps...but I have repeated that prayer many, many times in the past three years. The only answer is to walk very, very close to the Person of Love.

The second incidence happened multiple times during my trip there. It was during mealtimes. You see, the Haitians were allowed the eat our food, but they had to wait until we had served ourselves, and besides a few exceptions, most weren't allowed to eat with us "Americans." The logic was simple, Haitians would eat it all. But I internally cringed at how Becky would yell at the guys in Creole. I didn't understand her, but tone and body language spoke loud enough. The boys would slink off, and the Americans would get all the food they wanted, and take their sweet time, of course. I remember sitting there once day at dinner, playing with the food on my plate, not really hungry because I felt guilty every time I ate. I decided in my heart that if God ever blessed me with a mission in Haiti, I would serve all my Haitian brothers and sisters and fellow workers first, before I, or any of my guests ate. Just like Jesus would.

I'm sure the eyes would roll at that statement. Yes, it becomes very different when it's your money that's being spend on food, and your budget that might be stretched. It's different when you know those Haitians better because you've been around them, and they can't be trusted. Yes, I've heard all that. In a thousand different ways. Some would call me very naive for the way I think.

But if that's naivete - I pray God keeps me that way a long, long time.

"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example, in SPEECH, in CONDUCT, in LOVE, in FAITH, in PURITY."

I Timothy 4:12

Not Cool

This is not cool...it's cold. It's freezing. Freezing rain to be specific.

No, it's not funny.

I cannot wait for winter to be over. I will keep living in denial and claiming that it's not really winter, which is very hard to do when there is giant winter storm bearing down claiming adjectives such as, "massive", "historic", "crippling", and "horrific". So by 7 PM tonight we should be covered in freezing rain, followed by sleet slathering everything in an inch of deadly ice, destroying power lines and making roads impassable death traps. Then we will get a 12-18 inches of snow, just to top everything off like a layer of mockingly fluffy meringue.

So if there are no posts in the next few days, it's because I'm huddled over a fire trying to stay alive along with my family with no electricity in 8 degrees F.

Ohhhhhhh!!! I'm sorry God, but I hate winter!!!

Shabby Apple

This website makes me covet horribly - I just sit and gaze at the computer screen and drool a little bit. I think if I dressed this way every day I would automatically become more feminine. See - these are some simple dresses that wouldn't look too out of place in a BBQ restaurant...I mean, if I just threw an apron on them...and left off some jewelry. But not the heels...heels are absolutely necessary for femininity. I love showing off my femininity in this man cave. Until I look in the mirror...

Right?

*sigh*

I think if I was rich I would buy and wear almost every dress from Shabby Apple...hickory smoke and everything.

No, wait! Oh, yeah...if I was rich I would build a ridiculously huge orphanage in Haiti.

Oh, well.

Thoughts from a long Saturday afternoon....

"And God is able to make ALL grace abound to you, so that having ALL contentment, in ALL things at ALL times, you may abound in every good work." II Corinthians 9:8



ALL

You are my Strength when I am weak,

You are the Treasure that I seek -

You are my All in All.

Seeking You as a Precious Jewel,

LORD, to give up I'd be a fool -

You are my All in All.

Jesus! Lamb of God!

Worthy is Your Name!

Jesus! Lamb of God;

Worthy is Your Name!

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame,

Rising again I bless Your Name -

You are my All in All.

When I fall down You lift me up,

When I am dry, You fill my cup -

You are my All in All.

Jesus! Lamb of God!

Worthy is Your Name!

Jesus! Lamb of God,

Worthy is Your Name!

Cool...and not Cool

OK - sometimes you have cool things....and not so cool things happen. Kinda like this idea. But you live with it...right?

Not Cool:

- Snow/Ice/Freezing rain/Freezing wind
- Sneezing every time  I put on mascara. Not kidding.
- Staying up waaaaay too late because you were talking to your friend on the phone for three hours.
- Having a black guy ask me, "Hey girl! How'd you put on so much weight in Haiti?" Uh....I didn't...I lost weight, Taurus!
-My bangs. Which desperately need to be trimmed - actually my whole head of hair, really needs to be cut.
- Speaking of my hair - it's not cool to keep getting a bad rap from my family for getting it everywhere. Actually, it's not cool that it gets everywhere...I can't help having thick, beautiful hair! I hope my husband appreciates my hair, because it will be all over the shower and sheets
- Memorizing my scripts lines for the play I'm in
- Studying for my General Physchology test
- Accounting. But I finished those receipts without any mistakes!
- Kacie Davis won't update her blog
- This movie....
- Not seeing my sissy much because of school...

Cool:

- Spending Friday evening playing with my little sister's hair while she read me a story...she loves reading stories.
-Spending Saturday evening listening to my little brother's dreams of playing football one day.
- BSF tonight!! I missed Bible Study Fellowship while it was off for Christmas, but the past two weeks have been awesome!
- Buying a book I really wanted off of Amazon for $2.99!!
- Our new church and the wonderful people in it. Thank You, God for answering our prayers!!
- Play practice!! I get to be in a play! I'm so happy! (Except for the memorizing part...)
- Studying for my General Physchology test. (Yes, it's cool and not cool) ;)
- Our new dining room
- Spanish guitar music
- This WONDERFUL bit of news...After all my ranting and raving on politics and patriotism I now see some definite volunteer campaigning in my future...
- Jesus

<3

"Now may our God and Father Himself, and our Lord Jesus, direct our way to you, and may the Lord make you increase and abound in LOVE for one another and for all, as we do for you, so that He may establish your hearts blameless in HOLINESS before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all His saints...REJOICE always; PRAY without ceasing, GIVE THANKS in ALL circumstances; for this is the WILL of God in Christ Jesus concerning you!."

I Thessalonions 3:11; 5:16-18

Happy Monday!

Patriotism - Part I

Patriotism.

It's one of those subjects that I've been pondering a lot about lately. One of the pillars of my upbringing, I have been searching my personal patriotic convictions and feelings and comparing them to the truth of Scripture. And really - what is it? And what role should patriotism play in a Christian's life?

I am exceptionally grateful to God for allowing me to be born an American. I have been raised with the foundational appreciation and the open practice of 'Man's unalienable Rights' - the freedom of Speech, the freedom of Religion and all of the other principles that make up our beautiful nation of beautiful people.

But appreciation and patriotism are not the same thing. The Amish are no doubt appreciative of the political rights that allow them to practice their religion in peace - but they do not practice their appreciation as patriots. I was raised to be patriotic. As a home-schooler, I was well-taught in American history - of which I am very proud. I get a tingly, teary-eyed feeling when I hear the National Anthem played or sung. I cry (sob) in remembering fallen soldiers and the sacrifices that have been made. My heart swells at the sight of the Stars & Stripes waving in the air.

Ever since I was old enough to participate, by family and I have been involved in political events too many to even number. I have marched in parades for candidates; walked door-to-door handing out fliers until my heels bled; made phone calls for John Boehner; attended Presidential rallies; stood on TV behind George W. Bush; and I stood on the stadium floor with all the media screaming until I was hoarse when John McCain announced Sarah Palin as his running mate on live TV in his 2008 campaign. I have angrily protested on freezing cold sidewalks; have volunteered at many Right to Life events; Tea Parties - and the list goes on and on with countless other political activities - all in the name of patriotism, the Constitution, Liberty - oh, and God...yeah...

Lord Byron once said, "If a man cannot love his country, he can love nothing." While that may be true to some extent, it's certainly not a foundation to build your life - or love - upon. But considering this quote, I started to realize that for most Americans patriotism is summed up not in a love for their country and our principles - but in a disdain for other's countries and other's principles. In fact, where in-country politics are concerned, most people, whether Republican or Democrat, usually find their reasons for voting, not "for" something, but "against" something. Everything, everything coming from almost a single-minded negative reaction. And not for the sake of principles, but for the sake of how it affects Number One - "ME". As happy as I am to be an American, I respect others dedication towards their homeland, and rather find it a deep honor that people will leave their culture, families, and country to come to my homeland to pursue their dreams. (But I am referring to those who go through the torturous maze of legal immigration.)

Because of the influence of media and Conservative talk-shows (aka - Conservative does not equal Christian) I have realized that people talk as they think they should. True - "from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" - but what people hear affects their heart, if we are not careful in choosing our beliefs based on conviction, it is easy to "believe"anything. While liberalism may be a mental illness, as Rush Limbaugh claims, people who "hear" of Biblical principles masquerading as"Conservative Values" and follow the man or political party behind it, instead of the TRUTH -  soon become just as tainted and twisted as any anti-Biblical heresy. Here follows two examples of common American "patriotism":

Only yesterday, I was standing in our small town's post office. There was only one worker available at the counter and six people already ahead of me in line when I walked in. Everyone was rushing around, trying to get errands done before the current "blizzard" arrived. After I had been standing, waiting about 5 minutes, without moving up at all, a man walked in and took his place behind me.

"Oh my gosh!" He was muttering. He proceeded to mumble and complain about the long waits all over town, postage prices, union workers, until a new customer arrived behind him and he had fresh blood to pour out his complaints on.

"I gotta go to Wal-Mart after this....all the long waits will be ridiculous. I'm gonna have to head over to Richmond. I'll get to see all the Mexicans....that always thrills me!" He said. The woman behind him laughed appreciatively. I stopped listening after that comment, because he was irritating me. Yes - illegal immigration is an issue. A big issue in our country. Yes - the majority of illegal immigrants come from over the Mexican border. Yes - I even support Arizona's immigration law. BUT - are we to condemn every Latino looking person as though they are public nuisance; all criminals; or - heaven forbid - somehow lower then us? Some do think that way...whether they realize it or not. And that attitude becomes a passing joke for a laugh from a pretty stranger in a public post office.

My second example happened about two weeks ago and touches closer to home. Two weeks ago, my dad's friends, Tom & Rick, spent their week expanding our restaurant dining room, and doing remodeling, reconstruction, and electrical work. They did a fantastic job. It's awesome. However, they brought a little extra "help" with them one day from their regular job.

Steve - I shall call him, was a hard worker too. Giving his time and labor for free to help out some strangers is an honorable thing. But he really rubbed me the wrong way. Really. Really. Annoying.

I never told him my name, but somehow he found out, and every chance he could he was yelling for me, "Hey EMILY!" At lunch break, my dad and I handed out their food. Rick and Steve took a couple chairs. Tom settled onto the floor and I joined him with my Diet Coke, silently following their conversation. Somehow the conversation turned to the gas station next door to our restaurant, which is owned by two Indian brothers. Since I am the only one who can actually get polite responses from them (that's another story) I'm the one who gets sent over there whenever we need something. From there, the discussion became how every gas station in the U.S. seems to be owned by either Indians, or Middle-Easterners. My dad pointed out how they're are much nicer to me then they are to him.

"HEY Emily!" Steve leaned over in his chair, "You know what I call them?" He paused a second, but not long enough for an answer - "Dot-heads!"

I smiled sickly, but didn't laugh. I understood the joke about the Hindu woman's traditional bindi, but to me it was not laughable - it was a sad sign of their need for Jesus, not a subject for a racial joke. Unfortunately, it didn't end there. After they continued to share stories and express frustration over the fact that immigrants own almost all the gas stations in America, I piped up -

"You know who owns almost all of the gas stations in Haiti? Middle-Easterners too! They immigrate there from Jordon and Lebanon!" Before anyone could respond Steve cut in again loudly, directing his comments to me:

"Now you know what I think we should do with that country? I think we should just take a bunch of bulldozers and just push the entire island of Haiti into the ocean! That country has been - "

Before he could finish his remarks, Tom - who knows how I have been there four times - stood up and loudly announced it was time to get back to work. My face was getting hot, and if I hadn't been so angry I could have thought of a thousand replies. But in reality - the strongest feeling I felt was a sick pity. Because I knew that despite America being the number-one global leader in charity - that attitude towards third-world countries, not just Haiti, was sadly common. And it is simply a misguided patriotism stemming from ignorance. Not just a lack of knowledge - but a lack of desire for knowledge. And the best response for ignorance is silence. "Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest though become just like him" (Proverbs 26:4) - wise words indeed.

I have discovered since becoming involved in over-sea missions the amount of disdain that is out there for people who will take their talents, money and labor overseas for charitable work. I have received grief from both Christians and non-Christians alike. "To h*ll, with Haiti," one "Christian" man went as far to say, "We have enough poor in our own country!" Misguided patriotism - loyalty to country before loyalty to God's service. God calls some to go, some to give and some to stay. "What is that to you - you follow ME!" (John 21:22)

And here we reach the real root of the matter.

Part II later...

And the Wall Came Tumbling Down...

This is Adam's Rib old dining room.

(With Larry & Daddy)

Note the wall in the back.

And this, after my brother and Dad tore the wall down...(well, half of it.)

Tom, of the Tom & Rick duo (and the mastermind of the remake) varnishing the wood.

And..."voila"...as they say. The new dining room. (Well, part of it.) Badly documented, I know...But the wall used to be where the wood ends and the painted wall begins.

Here's the story: At some point in time over the past five years of being open, (exactly when is impossible  to say) two guys started coming into the restaurant. Their names were Tom & Rick. They drove a delivery truck for a big store in the nearest big city over in Indiana. They only did that on the side though -in their real jobs they were firemen and paramedics. They were fellow believers and hard-working, intelligent, and good adapters. As they came more frequently, and stayed longer, we had a lot of opportunities to sit down, talk and get to know each other.

Tom is a visionary. He has many great ideas, that Rick good-naturedly goes along with. (Like becoming delivery guys!) Tom is a quasi-modern-day Jimmy Stewart. Laid-back in his discussions of his schemes, but high-strung in the execution. He's done a lot over his years, and even went to Port-de-Paix, Haiti, when he was in college. Rick, is laid-back no matter what the situation. Always the same, he can stay humorous in any situation, but because he is ex-Army and fought in Desert Storm Operation, he has a serous "get-'er-done" work ethic. He likes to "spread the Love, man." Rick has even worked with me in the restaurant on two occasions, one scheduled and one impromptu. He is an excellent front-of-house-man. While he was working on the electrical re-wiring, during the remodeling project, I was left alone in the kitchen and got slammed with five customers. When the phone range, Rick calmly put down his tools and wandered in with a smile and a "Need help?" and answered it for me, as I frantically run around. "Hey, fellas! What can I get you?" He good-naturedly took charge of the cash register, so I could make the orders.

Inspired by my dad, Tom & Rick are opening their own restaurant, in which my dad will become an equal third partner when opening comes. Artistic and detailed, they have been remodeling and reconverting an old firehouse building into an authentic, barbecue restaurant for about a year now. Opening will probably be sometime this spring. But in the mean time...they wanted to help out my dad - whose restaurant desperately needed a 'face-lift.' So, they did an extreme "dining-room makeover" and thanks to their server's hearts and hard-work we now have a new dining room!

Now we need to get them in our ghetto kitchen and fix that...I'm getting tired of crawling around on the floor to turn the hot water on...

From customers...to friends...to business partners. You  never know what can happen.

Thanks Tom & Rick!!

I love this place. Really. I do.

For Troubled Hearts

"For troubles hearts we pray.

The grievousness of war

Has driven JOY away,

And sun, and moon, and star.

Console the sore distressed,

The wounded bound in pain,

The broken, for whom rest

May never be again.

Like bells at evening time

Let words of healing come,

Till, led by that clear chime,

They find themselves at Home."

- Amy Carmichael

An inexplicable uneasiness throws a shadow across my mind and spirit today - and has been growing stronger. Different burdens I received this past week, from different revelations of how the Enemy is at work within the Church, and among so-called Christians, planted this dark seed - which has quickly bloomed. Reminders of unconfessed sin are forefront on my heart, but a dark pain threatens from another source...and I wonder what it means. What is the Enemy about? What is this the eve of? Who is in the thick of spiritual battle out there, and it desperate for allies in prayer? Why the resistance in me at the thought of prayer? What are all these lessons and information I have learned this week building to? What will the Great Vanquisher accomplish through this and how can I give Him the glory?

Will you join me in prayer?

"Do not be grieved, for the JOY of the LORD is your STRENGTH." Nehemiah 8:10b

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you, when my HEART is faint. Lead me to the ROCK THAT IS HIGHER THAN I." Psalm 61:1-2

"REJOICE ALWAYS, PRAY WITHOUT CEASING, give THANKS in ALL circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus FOR YOU." I Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Finally, be STRONG in the LORD and the POWER OF HIS MIGHT." Ephesians 6:10

"May you be STRENGTHENED with ALL POWER, according to His GLORIOUS MIGHT, with ALL endurance, and patience with JOY, giving THANKS to the Father, who has qualified YOU to share in the INHERITANCE OF THE SAINTS IN LIGHT. He has DELIVERED us from the domain of Darkness and TRANSFERRED us to the Kingdom of His Beloved Son, in whom we have REDEMPTION, THE FORGIVENESS OF SINS." Colossians 1:11-14

Pleasure Forevermore

"Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the LORD,

'You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.'

As for the saints in the land, they are excellent ones,

In whom is all my delight.

The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;

their drink offerings of blood I shall not pour out

Or take their names upon my lips.

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;

You hold my lot.

The lines are fallen for me in pleasant places;

Indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the LORD, who gives me counsel;

In the night also my heart instructs me.

I have set the LORD always before me;

Because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad,

And my whole being rejoices;

My flesh also dwells secure.

For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,

Or let your Holy One see corruption.

You make known to me the paths of Life;

In Your presence there is fullness of JOY;

At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore!"

- Psalm 16, ESV

Rose from Brier

Thou hast not that, My Child, but thou hast Me;

And am I not enough for thee?

I know it ALL, know how thy HEART was set

Upon this JOY not given yet.

And well I know how through the wistful days

Thou walkest ALL the dear, familiar ways

As unregarded as a breath of air;

But there in LOVE and longing, always there.

I know it ALL, but from thy brier shall blow

A ROSE for others. If it were not so

I would have told thee. Come then, say to Me;

"My LORD, my LOVE, I am content with THEE."

- Amy Carmichael

Ayiti Cheri

Remembering Haiti.

Happy Birthday, Anna!

So one of the beeeest thing every new year brings, is my precious, beautiful sister's birthday. And this year was special because she reached double-digits. Ten years old!

Sometimes I wonder what my life was like before my two youngest siblings were born.

They both bring quite a lot of joy and...interest to my life. Anna, especially, amazes me almost everyday.

She is a typical little girl in that she adores everything beautiful - clothes, make-up and fingernail polish. She loves to try on our clothes, comment on our clothes, and watch us put our make-up on, and comment on our make-up. Because she shares a bedroom with two older sisters, she has an amazing quickness of tongue and can hold her own in an argument even if her logic is flawed. She loves to laugh and make people laugh, and it a natural comedienne. And sometimes she says things that she doesn't even mean to be funny. The other day, she came stomping upstairs, upset about the teasing she had just gotten from her older brother...

"WHY did God make Adam?" She huffed. "WHY didn't he make them ALL Eves? I don't like MEN...the only man I like is Jesus...(silence)...and Daddy...(silence)...and Grandpa...and all the other men - but not the rest of them!"

Another winner...

"Living is hard."

But for all her drama...Anna has a very tender heart. She hates to see anyone or anything suffer. She can't even listen to sad music because it makes her cry. She loves people and animals. She is mercy, and it is a gift from God that He is going to use greatly through her. She loves to serve, and will often make our beds, pick-up our clothes, wash dishes and do anything that needs to be done, because it makes her feel "grown-up".  She is wildly artistic...she loves to draw, play piano, sing, knit - even write books! Anything that involves creating, she can do it.

I love my little (now getting bigger) sissy, and I pray all the time that God would make me a better sister. I can't wait to see how God uses her!!

I love you Anna!

A Merrrrrry Christmas!

I hope everybody had a merry Christmas.

As usual, ours was a laid-back, lay-around-and-eat-all-you-can weekend. It's amazing how things change when you get older. The nicest thing about Christmas is not presents or food to me, but just the relaxation of having the business closed and everyone at home together just spending time, playing music, playing games and watching a movie. Of course, spending our Christmas Eve in our new church, worshipping and celebrating our Savior's birth was the most beautiful memory.

Well, I have to admit I did get a little bored over the weekend...so I spent some time playing around with my camera...

And I took pictures of my eye:

and myself:

and waaay too many videos of my adorable, beautiful, hilarious, talented, kooky little sister, Anna. Here's a precious picture from our Christmas. What personalities...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

By the way, this is my favorite Christmas related story ever!

Happy Birthday, Christopher!

Yesterday my little brother turned 15! I can't believe it...

15 years ago, my sister and I stayed at my grandma's house the day after Christmas. It's because mommy was in the hospital having "the baby." Mommy and daddy didn't want to find out the gender of "the baby", but I knew it was a boy. When mommy and daddy told Jessica and I that we were going to have a new baby, we were outside on the back deck. We were so excited we jumped up and down until the deck shook and they made us stop. But I had always wanted a big brother, and since that was an impossibility, I knew I would get a little brother.

So we were playing the new board game, 'Sorry!' that we got for Christmas, on the floor of mamaw's living room, and everytime the phone rang, mamaw would jump up, thinking it was my daddy calling from the hospital. The next day, mommy and daddy and the baby were home. I remember pulling in the driveway, so excited to see if mommy wasn't fat anymore and to see the new baby...

Jessica and I raced into the door and there on the sofa sat mommy and daddy...and on the floor in a baby carrier was the baby.

Mom and Dad named him Christopher Gordon. His middle name is after daddy's name. His first name means "Christ-Bearer."

I am amazed on how Chris has grown up. I can't believe it's been 15 years. I am proud and grateful for the example of Christ he has become even at his young age, and the way he has grown in his faith. He is developing into a strong leader his younger (and older) siblings can look up to, and has a sense of discernment that goes beyond his age. And after years of worrying that he won't grow out of the white cowboy boots, purple cape, and Revolutionary hat stage - he has developed quite the sense of fashion. A result of having two older sisters and growing up listening to them talk about clothes. He is a hard worker and also very artistic. He loves music, photography, and building things.

I am grateful for my "little-big" brother. You make me laugh and you inspire me.

Thanks for getting me hooked on Jack Johnson. I should have listened to you months ago. ;)

I love you.

Happy Birthday!