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"I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for He hath clothed me with the garments of SALVATION, He hath covered me with the garments of RIGHTEOUSNESS, as bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with jewels. For as the earth bringeth forth her bud, and as the GARDEN causeth the things that are sown in it to SPRING FORTH, so the Lord GOD will cause RIGHTEOUSNESS and PRAISE to spring forth before ALL NATIONS."

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Walking

Making my way downtown, walking fast
Faces pass and I'm home bound.
Staring blankly ahead, just making my way,
Making my way down through the crowd.

And I need you.
And I miss you.
And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you,
Tonight.





Isaiah 24

It's amazing how the scriptures open up like a flowing spring of water, the deeper and deeper you get into an inductive Bible study.

That is how I feel studying the book of Isaiah. We are now in chapters 24-27, a section which is called
"Isaiah's Little Book of Revelation" because of the prophecies concerning the Second Coming of Christ and impending Judgement. It reveals the heart of God and His character in the frightening way - the way that no one wants to think about. But the most disturbing discovery, I have figured out, happens when you look into your own heart and compare your attitude to God's attitude of disgust and hate for sin.

It is very sad to read about the coming Judgement. It is sad to think how serious God takes sin and pride, and the lengths He is willing to go to purge His creation of sin and it's affects. But what makes it most heartbreaking, is that all the Judgement and punishment necessary to appease God's wrath was already laid on His Son - when He died on the Cross. Believers, by faith, know that they are spared the wrath of God because of His death and resurrection. But not so for everyone. And sadly, the believers will not be the majority. They will be the remnant. A little bit left over when all the Judgement is finished. That is why is to so very, very important to spread the Gospel. The Bible tells us that the remnant will come out of every nation and island on earth. But who will they be?

At the root of God's justice and judgment however, is His motive behind everyone of His acts. His great Love. The notes on the Bible study showed me how God has "an intense interest in our lives. He calls His people to believe in Him, but when they preferred the security by association with people in the world, He sometimes removed their false security so that, undistracted, they would trust them again."  

God likes the knock out the props sometimes and remind us Who is really our Strength, Refuge and Shadow. (Isaiah 25:4) It is easy to fall into the easy, comfortable routines of the broad path and walk in tune with the world. To feel comfortable in our association with them, their acceptance of us and our activities - perhaps not sins in themselves, but self-focused and forgetful of God.

"Most men, women and children move through their daily routines assuming that everything will keep on as it always has, and that God is really quite tolerant of their indifference to Him. Nothing could be farther from reality...Many people seem to live successfully without honoring God...but apart from Him, fears are unrelieved; happiness is superficial and brittle; relationships hang suspended on the fragility of individual will...immorality becomes the basis for entertainment; families are shattered; institutions become bloated with competition and self-interest, and the creativity of human civilization shrivel and die."

Isaiah 24:14-16a, shows the song of praise that the remnant will lift up to God, "They shall lift up their voice, they shall sing for the majesty of the LORD, they shall cry aloud from the sea. Wherefore glorify ye the LORD in the fires, even the name of the LORD God of Israel in the isles of the sea. From the uttermost part of the earth have we heard songs, even the glory to the righteous."

The Bible study asked us to read those verses and then asked, "What do these verses describe and what are your thoughts about them?" I thought a long time about that and then wrote:

"When I see the state of the world as it is today, it is so very difficult to imagine the entire human race so focused on praising God, and on the pursuit of True Love and Peace. But I know it will happen and it reveals the frightening intensity of judgement God will "unleash" on earth first..."

The lady giving us our lecture last night made a point that hit me in the heart, "God does not want us to be in love with our life on earth. He has a much better plan in store for us."

And how true that is.

It is so very easy to be swayed be ease and comfort. To get caught up in what the world deems as important...money, comfort, relationship, things. To forget that this world is fragile and will not last. But God will. He is our Rock, and all those planted upon the Rock will stand sure. We, I, am called to serve God, love God, be set apart - holy and separated - from the world and spread the Gospel of Peace in everything I say and everything I do.

I thank God for the privilege of serving Him, and of loving Him. I thank Him for rescuing me. I thank Him for the work He has done and the work He will do.

"And He shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people; and they shall beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore." Isaiah 2:4

"He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of the people shall he take away from off all the earth; for the LORD hath spoken it." Isaiah 25:8

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Grateful Too

I remembered several hours after my blog post on gratitude that yes, I forget to say how grateful I am for BSF - and the impact it is making on my study of the Bible! And, apparently, it was an obvious mistake.

A second thing I am extremely thankful for this year is that Chris, my younger brother, is now bigger than me, taller than me, and stronger than me - which means he is now the one to carry the 40 pound bags of salt down into the cellar...YES!!

One more thing - after last night I am grateful for my warm bed...icy cold winds blowing 40 mph, blowing into the cracks in my window (ahh...winter is here) puts a whole new perspective on God's blessings. I know God is preparing me for something - I have begged on my knees - "God, please don't send me to Iceland, or Mongolia, or Antarctica...I love the Eskimos too...but, please send someone more qualified." So far, I have not felt that calling. And I tell people that being a missionary on a Caribbean island is really...convenient.

This weekend has been "awesomelly" happy too - starting with Thanksgiving on Thursday, shopping and football on Friday, a friend's wedding later this evening, my sister and I are planning to visit a friend's church tomorrow morning and fellowship with her on Sunday, and then BSF Monday night!

Blessings!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Happiness

I love it when you realize in the small, inconsequential moments that it's where the best memories are made. Here are some of my week's awesomelly, happy highlights:

- My sister's chorale performance of Handel's 'Messiah', last Sunday night, and eating cheap ice cream in our fancy clothes, afterwards with a friend.

- Practicing my violin for the first time in ions, and realizing that I don't sound as bad as I thought.

- Listening and watching my brilliant younger siblings - playing the piano by ear, drawing pictures, and never failing to delight me with their funny sayings.

- Sitting in the restaurant dining room with Larry, introducing him to 'Dirait-on'.

- Thanksgiving with family and friends.

- Laughing so hard with my big sis in the beauty aisle at Wal-Mart, that we were crying and had to sit on the floor.

- Watching and sniffling through 'An Affair to Remember' for the first time, with my big sis. "Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories..."

- Any time I get to listen to music, in it's many, heavenly forms!!

- Standing in the fitting room at Khol's and realizing that the size 6 jeans fit me better then size 8!

-Looking into a baby's huge blue eyes, while waiting in the checkout line.

- Hunkering down for some football with a warm stove, spicy nachos and a cold CokeZero...sometimes I really love coming to work.

:)

Anyone want to share their awesomelly, happy moments?

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Unwritten

I am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovation

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, yeah

Oh, oh

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines, oh yeah yeah
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way oh, oh

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
the rest still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten


- Natasha Bedingfield

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Grateful

I find myself thinking constantly in my mind like I was writing...and I would love to write about my life; anecdotes and stories to practice incorporating humor into my writing. But somehow the temptation is too strong when I sit down to write, and out of the deepest part of me - the part that shrinks back and often refuses exposure - is what gets put down into words.

I could write about my town - one day, promise myself, I will write a book about this place. But it might bore you  now. I mean - why would you care that Lisa Ludy went off her rocker again from a chemical in balance and robbed the Village Pantry late Sunday night? She acted like a clerk and even told Mark, who was in there to buy ginger ale for his wife after closing up the Bar & Grill, that Jesus was coming back on His birthday. She finally called the police on herself.

That was just one night.

I'm telling you, you can't make up the small-town gossip that happens in this town. I love my strange life.
One day, I know I'll miss it.


Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I'm doing some thinking, and I know I have so much to be thankful for. Developing a heart of gratitude is something that the Lord is teaching me. Complaining comes so easily, and though it's been said so many times, it is often still so taken for granted - we, Americans, have so much to be thankful for! We don't know.

We don't know.

I am tempted, sitting here now in sleety, icy weather, to complain about the cold - but I am thankful that I am not living in a tent, terrified that I or my children might contract cholera. So I am grateful for the $400+ worth of fuel for our stoves that the Lord provided us with last week, which will last us well into the winter. I'm grateful for my warm bed and warm clothes. I am grateful for the food that goes into my mouth.

I am grateful for my family - for the contribution, joy, friendship and investment that each member, my mom and dad, brothers and sister, have put into my life. If what we have is suffering, then I am happy to be suffering with them. :) I am grateful for the continued good health and protection that God has blessed me, my family, and all of those I love.

I am grateful for my dear friends, brothers and sisters in Christ - His glorious body - that He has blessed we with all over this world.  I am grateful for each and every one who has blessed and invested in my life in a personal way this year.

I am grateful for people, like my friend Cody Lee, who leaves for Basic Training next week...and the thousands like him who are willing to sign up to defend this country, our freedoms and what we stand for.

I am grateful for every lesson, blessing and opportunity that has come my way this year. I am thankful for my Father's deep mercy.

I am thankful for Love. For the Love of the Father - and for my Lover, Jesus, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

We have so much to be thankful for - wherever we live, and whatever our path. I am not one of those disgusting, Candide type of optimistic personality -but perspective make a great difference in the way you choose to live each day. I like to get in the habit, during life's little frustrations and sometimes great disappointments, to say, 'It could always be worse.' Because it always could.

There is an old hymn that says, "Count your blessings, name then one by one; Count your blessings see what God has done..."

Would you join me in counting your blessings, and expressing gratitude to our Maker, this week and all of out lives?

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits; who forgives all thine iniquities and heals all your diseases; who redeems your life from destruction; who crowns thee with loving-kindess and tender mercies; who satisfies your mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagles." Psalm 103:2-4

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you." Philippians 1:3

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Dirait-on

This is without hesitation, one of the most beautiful choral pieces ever composed. I love this song.

Just thought I'd share.

Joel

"Fear not, O land; be glad and rejoice for the Lord will do great things.
Be not afraid ye beasts of the field: for the pastures of the wilderness do spring, for the tree beareth her fruit, the fig tree and the vine do yield their strength...

I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

And ye shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you; and my people shall never be ashamed...

And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters will prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see vision."

Joel 2:21-22, 25-26, 28

Lord...

"Lord, I believe...

...Help Thou my unbelief!"

Of Love and Other Ramblings

So North Korea fired on South Korea...

So they found what they believe to be a fragment of bone from Natalie Holloway...

So this whole world is hurting, poor, dying, searching...there are wars and rumors of wars...children are affected and suffering and innocence is destroyed...crimes are escalating and injustice is rampant.

So the heathen rage and the people imagine vain things against the LORD of Hosts....the wicked are prospering and Sovereign God is sitting on His throne laughing at those who raise their fists in His face.

Sin is taking over it seems sometimes. God removes is hand...and the evil and savagery that makes us humans takes over and people like to blame Him for the suffering...the cause and effect of our own sin nature.

This Bible study I am involved in is hitting me close and hitting me hard.  I love the book of Isaiah, but I never realized how much was in it that I did not understand. Chapters 13-23 are full of warnings of God's coming Judgment against certain cities and countries - Assyria, Babylon, Egypt, Edom, Tyre, and even God's own people, Israel and Judah. Some of the prophecies have taken place already - as many of those cities are gone and forgotten; their might and splendor swept away in the tide of history. But there is a part of Isaiah's prophecies that have not come to pass - Judgement, in that great, and final "day of the Lord."

We don't like that. Christians don't like to talk about God's Judgement - we stop our ears and tell ourselves that God is LOVE, and forget to see things from His perspective. For if God is love, then He must be a Judge. If God is love then He must HATE sin...hate it's cause and effect; hate the suffering and death and destruction it has inflicted on His perfect creation. And He must purge it. So, He sent His Son - His SON - to die in the place of all mankind; to become the ugly, sick, perverted sinners that have walked this earth. And those who refuse to turn to Him - who refuse His salvation and stand in their pride - receive Judgement and a horrible, horrible eternal existence separated from their Maker.

We don't like that part of God's nature. We don't like the fierce and Holy Judge, who demands the same of His children - holiness and a set apart lifestyle from the world. But to understand God - we must understand all of His nature and that is what I am learning.

Because though God laughs, He takes no pleasure in judgement. Because the whole theme of the Bible is God's Love - and that is revealed even in His judgement. His heart for these peoples is revealed in Isaiah - who lifted up his voice and wept for those he was warning. I have wept for sinners...but so easily forget to carry the pity with me in my heart. It is far, far too easy to stand apart, like the Pharisee in the Temple, with judgement in my heart and pray, "Thank you God, that I am not like him or her."

God never asked us to carry a grudge for Him. He does not need our righteous indignation against sinners. He does not need our anger on His behalf, or our suggestions.

We are called to love. LOVE. To speak the truth in Love. To spread the gospel of peace and to not be weary in well-doing. To faint not, but to run with patience. To be troubled, but not distressed; perplexed, but not in despair. To be of good cheer in the face of expected tribulation and persecution, because He has already overcome the world. We are called to go forth weeping and come back rejoicing. To fulfill the greatest commandment - and be the hands and feet of Christ in this sin-sick, sin-weary world.

And to do that requires walking very, very close to His heart. Everyone, saved and un-saved alike, have an inborn sense of justice; of right and wrong.

So it's easy to weep and feel sorry for the poor, sick, starving children...

But what about the child-molester rotting in prison, a captive to his own sick mind. Is our attitude as God's children, "He's not even getting what he deserves!"

"Were not My hands pierced for him as well?"

Well, Lord, I'll love the innocent babies born with HIV, but to love the sick, selfish men and women who propagate such a tragedy with their immorality...

"Wasn't my back torn, lash by lash, for them as well?"

God, it's horrible when people are murdered, and the innocent affected, but to feel pity for the demon-filled man who savagely murders his own wife and children!

"Didn't I walk that dusty road, filled with mocking faces, a cracking whip and a heavy burden - for his sins too?"

Yes, Lord. Teach me THY way.

God was not judging those ancient cities for their specific sins - He was judging them for their PRIDE. For their resistance of Him. He was there, waiting to accept them with open arms, if they would only turn from their filth and see their need. Oh, such tragedy! Does it not break your heart, as it does God's?

On the flip side, we so often forget to love in the little things. It is a painful, embarrassing lesson to be learned over and over again.

"I know you love her God and died for him - but the way she talks annoys me; his attitude is so hard to be around; she is such a know-it-all; he is rude and thoughtless..."

Amy Carmichael is one of my greatest heroes of faith. Her life revolved around the commitment to love, as Christ loves. On her first missionary trip to Japan, she was shocked when a veteran missionary told her, "Of course we missionaries don't get along all the time!"

Her naivete was the greatest wisdom. Aren't we, as God's people, or God's heralds called to walk that highest path. To not let the little things, little frustrations deter us from the call to Love? It was the turning point in her life and ministry and she modeled her life after that lesson.

So in the face of life's daily battles and frustrations, made worse when we see the news of the world and the tribulation, suffering, filth...is the love of Christ ever made null?

No.

We, the saints of God are called to be Love. Love God, Love each other, Love sinners. And know when you fulfill this command, you are loving and serving Christ. In the face of sin and rejection. In the face of misunderstandings and frustrations, even in the house of God. In war and peace, wealth and poverty, good times and bad...

See how our commitment to love Christ sounds like a marriage vow?

"As you have received Christ - so WALK YE IN HIM!"

Monday, November 22, 2010

Rale-M Vin Kote-W

Rale vinn kote w
Pa kite-m ale
Ma va blye tout lot
Bagay
Pou'm tande'w di m se
zanmi-w
Ou se dezi ke'm
Pa okenn lot moun
Paske anyen pap
Ranplase-w
Pou'm santi chale
Lanmou w
Ede'm jwenn wout la
Mennen'm vin jwenn ou

W se tout sa'm vle
W se tout m'va toujou
Bezwen
W se tout sa'm vle
Ede'm konnen w tou
pre'm.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Why the Lord is the Perfect Husband

I found these notes from a silly, personal Bible study I had written a while ago. It emphasizes why God's characteristics are the embodiment of what most women would call the perfect man. Unfortunately, no man is perfect. It is almost ridiculous to expect this kind of romantic or moral perfection from anyone, outside of the power of Christ in them. All of us, are 100% sinners. So, to find one's satisfaction and completeness in the Holy God who created marriage - is very liberating. For years, I would feel sorry for myself because I didn't have anyone in my life. No prospective husband, who would love me like a lover - as every woman wants to be loved. By God's gracious Spirit, He revealed to me His purpose of marriage, as laid out in His Word. It was a truth I had always known, but it hit me very hard when I realized - "Marriage is the shadow and picture of His love...I am already living the real thing!"

- God loves me constantly, faithfully, completely and unconditionally - deeper than I can imagine, despite my thousands of faults. (Jeremiah 31:3; John 3:16; I John 1:9; I John 4:10)

- God worked very hard and suffered long to pursue and win me. He with held nothing to pay the price, even His own life. (John 3:16; John 15:13; Ephesians 5:25-27)

- God gives me freely what I ask from Him - even the desires of my heart. (Psalm 37:3-5; Matthew 7:7-11)

- He never asks the impossible from me. He knows what I am capable of and what my limits are - He always carries the heavy things. (Psalm 18:32; Psalm 27:1; Psalm 118:14; Matthew 11:28-30; Colossians 1:11)

- God never leaves me hungry or thirsty. He satisfies me and provides for me. (Psalm 103:5; Psalm 145:16; Matthew 6:25)

- I never have to fear that He will leave me or forsake me. His faithfulness is part of His nature - He cannot! (Deuteronomy 7:9; Psalm 27:10; Psalm 36:5; Hosea 2:19-20; Hebrews 13:5)

- He understands me like no other. God knows everything about me that constitutes my personality and desires - and He rejoices over me. (Psalm 139:1-6; Colossians 1:16; Revelation 4:11)

- God is Jealous over me. He fiercely protects me. He will do whatever necessary to win me back from other idols and lovers. (Exodus 20:5; Exodus 34:14; Hosea 2:6-7)

- He will always listen to me - in fact, He wants to hear me. (Psalm 121:4; Psalm 62:8)

- God knows the best ways to rebuke me, chasten me or get my attentions. He never tries to purposely hurt me - only acts out of love. (Hebrews 12:6; Revelation 3:19)

- He loves children! (Matthew 18:1-6)

- He always want to hold my hand. (Psalm 139:10; Isaiah 41:13; Isaiah 42:6)

- He knows how to make me laugh. (Nehemiah 8:10; Psalm 66:1; John 15:11)

- He knows exactly how to encourage me. (Psalm 103:13-14)

- God deeply appreciates beauty. He desires to enhance my beauty He has given me. He loves to look at me. (Song of Solomon 4:7,9; Song of Solomon 6:10; Ephesians 4:15)

- My Warrior God is a strong leader. I don't ever need question His authority. I know He is right! (Joshua 1:9; John 1:1-3; Colossians 1:16-19; Revelation 1:8)

- I am constantly on His mind. (Psalm 139:17-18; Jeremiah 29:11)

- God delights in me - just as I am! (Psalm 45:11, 13)

- He cherishes me by desiring to advance me - my intellect, knowledge, talents, abilities, good works, and beauty. (Psalm 18:32-36; Song of Solomon 4:12; Ephesians 4:15; Philippians 1:11; Colossians 2:6-7)

- He desires to be with me - He wants intimacy. (Song of Solomon 2:4, 10-12)

- God is working hard to prepare me a place - and when it is ready He will come for His bride, take me home where we will live - joyfully ever after! (John 14:1-4)


"Love so Amazing, so Divine - demands my Life, my Soul, my ALL!"

Friday, November 19, 2010

Alabama - 63 to Georgia State - 7


Marquis!

ROLL TIDE ROLL

God's Plan for Your Mate

"Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone; to have a deep, soulful relationship with another; to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. God says:

'No, not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and content with living with Me alone. I love you my child, and until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect, human relationships I have planned for you. You will never be united with another, until you are united with me - exclusive of anyone or anything else - exclusive of any other desires and longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan in existence...one you can't imagine.

'I want you to have the very best. Please allow me to bring it to you. Just keep your eyes on me expecting the greatest things. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must be patient and wait. Don't be anxious...don't worry...don't look around at what others have received or what hasn't been given to you. And then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love more wonderful than you could ever dream. You see, until you are ready and the one I have for you is ready - I am working, even this minute, to have you both ready at the same time. Until you are satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection.

I AM THE GOD ALMIGHTY - BELIEVE AND BE SATISFIED!'"

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

"I am part of the fellowship of the UNASHAMED.

The die has been cast.
I have stepped over the line.
The decision has been made.

I am a disciple of JESUS CHRIST.

I won't look back...
let up...
slow down...
back away...
or be still.

My past is REDEEMED.
My future is SECURE.
My present makes SENSE.

I am done and finished with low living...
sight walking...
small planning...
smooth knees...
colorless dreams...
tamed vision...
mundane talking...
low living...
and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need...
prosperity
   prominance
position
promotions
plaudits
or popularity.

I don't have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded.

I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayers and labor by the Holy Spirit's power.

My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is heaven. My road is narrow; my way is rough; my companions few; my Guide is reliable and my mission is clear.

I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed.

I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice nor hesitate in the presence of the adversary.

I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't...
give up
let up
or shut up

Until I have...
stayed up
stored up
and prayed up

For the cause of JESUS CHRIST.

I must give till I drop, preach until ALL know, and work until He comes.

And when He does come for His own, He will have no trouble recognizing me...

Because my banner will have been clear!"

Last written words of a Rwandan martyr, 1980 

Monday, November 15, 2010

Start Running

Fifteen minutes to closing time, and I am sitting here in the restaurant, pondering the words of the gentleman who just left.

It was timely wisdom. Ever since my return from Haiti, I have been trying to decide what paths to take. How to prepare...where to go to school...what to do....I had my plans, but have felt strangely held back. "Is this right, God? Am I trying to do too much? Am I too ambitious?" I didn't know if it was wisdom holding me back, or my own lack of personal confidence - my tendency to always double guess myself.

Bill comes in often, about twice a week. He is delightfully eccentric and sometimes high maintenance. A classic example of a lonely old man, with too many stories to share. A lover of the Lord, he enjoys talking about God, politics and history.

We shared the tiny table in the dining room, while he ate his dinner and I finished up my Bible study - needing to answer all of the questions before tonight's meeting - sadly enough. I went back to the kitchen when I was finished. He sat reading the book he brought with him, and then rose up to leave.

"Thank you, miss." He said, with his customary little bow. "You have a great day!"

"Thank you!" I said, cheerfully. "You too!"

He paused then, before opening the door to exit. "Are you a straight A student?" he asked, suddenly and out of the blue. I smiled to myself, because I know I am often mistaken as being of high school age.

"Well," I replied, "I am out of high school and I haven't started college yet."

Bill nodded. "Well, can you take a word of advice, from a very old man?"

"I'd love it." I said with a smile.

"Start out running...

...and never stop."

I was surprised. I couldn't reply. He continued, "It's easier to to stay ahead of your class then it is to catch up. I earned my degree at forty-five, because it took me that long to finally learn that lesson."

"Thank you!" I breathed, "I will remember that, I have plans for next year."

"Well," he cut me off, "Your base is what you build on. So make the base strong."

Ten seconds later he was out the door and I was running hot water to wash dishes. With his words in my head I felt a strong confirmation that my decisions are the best, and no - I am not trying to do too much.

I want to hit the ground running.

On your mark...get set...

Go?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

M Sonje Ayiti

"So where you worried for all your friends in Haiti when that hurricane blew through?" Lee asked as I handed him his change.

"No."

He laughed, rather surprised, because that wasn't the answer he was expecting. But it was true. I prayed for Haiti - but I wasn't worried. There are things far worse down there than hurricanes - other things that keep me awake at night.

.....

"Have you heard from any of your friends in Haiti since that bad storm - hurricane?" Mrs. W. asked as we worked on cleaning the outside of her windows.

"Umm...no, not since the hurricane - but I usually call about once a week." I replied. "I know they're fine though."

.....

"I know a young guy - uh, he works down there at that hardware store in Lewisburgh - darn, I can't remember his name! Anyway, he's big into paramedics - he's down in Haiti now givin' people shots!" Ed the plumber, was telling me as I handed him his food and Coke.

"Wow.." I murmured, "That's a great thing for him to do - I know they appreciate it."

.....

"You know Betsey? They go to church at Vineyard Fellowship too..." A lady from the church we have been visiting was telling me about Betsey, as we chatted at the Monday night Bible study they also attended. "They've been on lots of missions to Haiti - and even adopted!"

"Oh, yeah!" I remembered seeing her and her beautiful girls at church months ago. Someone told me the girls were from Haiti.

Later, out of three hundred women, Betsey was seated directly next to me in our small group discussion last Monday night. I wanted so badly to introduce myself - but I didn't know how. She didn't know me from Adam's uncle. So, I did what every classy, socially assured young lady does - I followed her to the bathroom in between small-group and lecture time.

"So is this your first time in Bible Study Fellowship, or did you transfer?" She asked me cheerfully as we washed our hands.

"This is my first time." I replied, with a smile.

"Where do you live?" She asked again.

"We live in Eaton, so it's not a far drive. How about you all?"

"Oh, we live north of D----," she said. "It's a long drive for us, so Monday nights are a big deal." She laughed.

"And you all go to church in B----?" I asked. She got an astonished look on her face.

"Yeah, we do! How do you all know about - have you visited?"

"Yes." I told her with a giggle. She got a "no way!" look on her face.

"When?"

I told her we had visited several times a few months ago, and I remembered seeing her and her daughters. We had also been the past two Sundays, but they were not there.

"The reason I remember you is because someone told me you had adopted from Haiti. That interested me because I have been doing missions to Haiti for three years."

Betsey gaped at me. "Oh my gosh! Hold on, let me grab my purse - we'll talk!" She ran back to the sinks and grabbed her purse. We made our way out of the restroom and into the lobby, pausing before going into the sanctuary.

"So tell me about going to Haiti!?"

I explained to her what I have done since I graduated from high school. "How about you? How do you start going to Haiti?"

She laughed, "Well, we went with the church a few years ago and have been going back. I also work with a medical missions group, organizing medical visas for children. That's how we met Dafka, our other daughter we are trying to adopt. She lived with us for two years, and had to go back recently - only her mom put her in an orphanage because she can't take care of her." Betsey stopped abruptly. "What mission do you go down there with?"

"Well, the first time I went I was in a little town on the north coast, but every other time I have been in Port-au-Prince and Croix-de-Bouquet with the same ministry."

"What's it called?"

"Nehemiah Vision Ministries," I told her.

Betsey's eyes got big and her mouth opened up - "Are they supported by a church in Indiana?"

"Umm - yeah! Almost all of their support comes from churches in Indiana!" I replied.

Betsey quickly asked me if I had ever heard of a few names - best friends she had, who lived in Indiana and were also heavily involved with missions to Haiti and a ministry they always talked about - Nehemiah Vision Ministries. I had never heard of the people she mentioned, but told her that it was growing and there were a lot of people involved.

"OH MY GOSH!" We were both speechless.

Betsey spoke first. "We better go in - are you sitting with anyone?"

We made our way to the front together and sat down. We whispered all through the hymns, as the other ladies sang. We started talking again immediately, forty-five minutes later, when the lecture was over.

"This is so cool!" Betsey said excitedly.

"I know!" I agreed, with equal enthusiasm.

"It's so hard to find people to talk to about Haiti - so many people don't understand." Betsey's eyes were bright and earnest. I felt like her words came straight from my heart.

"Do you know what I mean?" She asked, almost desperately. I could only nod my head.

"Yes, yes, yes..."

"It's something people have to experience for themselves and if you try to explain it you sound like, a -" She searched for how to express herself.

"A snob." I finished.

"Yeah!" she said, "You understand."

"You sound like a missionary snob - " We both laughed.

"I just - I - people don't understand, like with Dafka!" She exclaimed. "Dafka was in the United States for medical work, but she wasn't signed over for adoption. Her parents wanted her back. But that was before the earthquake. Her dad was killed in the earthquake and her mom lives in The Ravine - do you know what that is?"

I nodded.

"Her mom has all these other children to take care of - she can't take care of Dafka because she has a prosthetic leg and she can't get around on her own. Dafka doesn't remember any Creole either, and now she is in an orphanage, where no one speaks English. Her mom has signed her over and as soon as her visa clears, we'll be able to get her - but..."

I waited.

"People hear her story and say, 'We're so happy for you! You're getting another daughter!', but they don't understand!" Betsey's eyes filled with tears. "I am horrified at what has happened to her family. I am horrified that her dad was killed and her mom can't take care of her! It's great that we can adopt her, but it's not supposed to be like that."

I kept nodding, my heart to full for words.

"People just see things like Haiti as a story, a picture, a headline - it's not like that - these people have lives!! They're real people!" Betsey's voice rose in pitch, emphasizing her point - the burden of her heart. She wiped away her tears and I felt the rush of a thousand heartbreaks as I though of countless more precious children, far, far less blessed than Dafka - despite her difficult story. And I knew I had found a close friend in Betsey, for we had in common what is rare to find. Someone with the same burden.

"You know?" Her eyes sought mine for confirmation. I don't remember what I said, but I remember thinking - "God what are you going to do? It's a good thing that I want to go back to Haiti - if I was fighting you I would be miserable because I can't get away!"

"I better go get the girls," She said a few minutes later.

"I would love to meet them!" I said, excitedly.

"Oh good!" As we made our way downstairs she told me about Barbara and Vidline - 8 and 9 year old sisters that they adopted from an orphanage in Port-au-Prince. Barbara and Vidline were still in Haiti on January 12th, and Betsey and her husband had to wait, agonizingly, before getting word from the orphanage that they were OK. Their girls were alive. But five days later - they were starving. Betsey's husband flew down there with food. As a blessing in disguise, because of the earthquake, they were able to get the girls out of the country much sooner, as was the case with many adoptive parents.

"Do they still remember Creole?" I asked we we walked down the steps.

"Very little," Betsey told me. "It's sad - we don't speak it well enough to help them remember."

We arrived at the classroom door, as her daughters were coming out. Beautiful, dark skinned girls with huge, gorgeous eyes and matching, bouncing curls.

"Vidline, this is mommy's friend Emily - can you say 'hi'?" Betsey bent down over Vidline and helped her with her jacket.

"Barbara, this is mommy's friend Emily - can you say, 'hello'?"

The both stared at me with big eyes, and murmured, "Hi."

"Hello Vidline, hello Barbara," I said almost as equally shy. Vidline cracked a sassy smile and ran screaming into a dark classroom. Both of the girls giggled and watched me slyly out of the corners of their eyes as we all made our way upstairs.

I said goodbye to Betsey in the lobby - with promises to see each other next week. I smiled at the girls, as Barbara hid her face in Betsey's skirt, pretending to be shy.

I walked away that night, overcome with an urge to run back, drop to my knees and hold those precious girls in my arms - because they were a tangible link to Haiti. As though just holding them would transport me back there. How can someone feel that strongly for a country? How can you feel away from home when you are home? Why Haiti for me? Why wasn't it Brazil, or Papau New Guinea, or Mongolia, or Congo - why Haiti?

I don't know.

And God doesn't want to give me the answer. But He has given me plenty to hold on to. I wish I could see where it will all lead. But I can't. And the frustration is turned into hopeful excitement, because I know everything in my life will turn out beautifully. All I can do is wait -

Map tann...

Thursday, November 11, 2010

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait, and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied to don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thought your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and distaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools;
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build them with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them, "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count on you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a man, my son!

 - Rudyard Kipling, 1895

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Best is Yet to Come

My family has started attending a new Bible Study with BSF. I love it. We are studying the book of Isaiah, and this past week studied chapters 11 and 12.

And the best is yet to come.

The reality of Christ's return and His millennial reign, hit me full force, as I sat and listened to the lecture Monday night. Imagine a world at peace. Imagine a world FILLED with the knowledge of God, as the waters cover the sea. Imagine the world ruled by One who is perfectly just and perfectly merciful. Imagine raising your children in a world where there is no danger or threat of nature. Imagine a world in unity, because we are all filled with the knowledge of the TRUTH. The peace and security that come from the Prince of Peace alone will once again be restored when He returns, and ALL resent anxiety, worry, fear and confusion will be gone, gone, gone.

It's hard to believe sometimes that it will happen. It is true...and He is coming again to set up His kingdom on Earth. Oh, can you imagine? Peace and harmony will be the order of the day. So many people long for that. Peace and unity. But they look for utopia in the wrong direction.

Imagine a world filled with the praises of God. Imagine, imagine, imagine....because it's true! I love Isaiah 12, and I memorized it as a young girl. But I got a whole new perspective when I saw that this would be the cry of an entire world, saved from God's wrath and rescued by His salvation. I have been in many different kinds of worship settings. Whenever I imagine the millions from every kindred and nation and tongue under the sun, gathered around the Throne in worshipful praise I get goosebumps from the wonderment and excitement of it. But imagine those praises from every nation - here, on Earth. (And when the Haitians arrive, I can guarantee it will get loud!)

I love the analogy of salvation as water. A deep, deep well - meeting out every need, vital to our existence. Available to everyone, and never running dry. I love the fact, that when we are filled with His salvation, we are overflowing with JOY - and made into a channel of His water, to touch the lives around us.

Isaiah 41:17-18, says - "When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue fails for thirst, I the LORD will hear them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them. I will open rivers in high places, and fountains in the midst of valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water."

Back in the year, 2005, I put a note in the margin of my Bible, beside that verse: "O Lord, make me a pool, a well in a dry land!" And what a blessing to know that God answers prayers of those who desire to serve Him - how I had no idea what I was asking God - but how gracious He was in preparing me.

Anyone can be a pool of His water in a dry land. We can be filled with His Spirit and be poured out in His service, wherever He puts us. We can be pools of peace and joy, heralding the time that is coming. We can prepare and look ahead to when Christ WILL return.

Let us not be weary in well-doing.

I love this video! This past weekend in a "random act of culture", the Philadelphia Opera Chorale, performed Handel's 'Halalujah Chorus', in the upper balcony of a giant Macy's, on some unsuspecting shoppers. The shoppers were stunned, but everyone dropped what they were doing to listen to the song - and were enthralled.

Imagine the whole world bursting into songs praises, just like this, one day - "King of Kings and Lord of Lords!"

Monday, November 8, 2010

This Provential Life

Good things, bad things...we let them shape our days, weeks and lives. But life goes on...

They're the things we live for, simple pleasures and daily disappointments - all adding spontaneity and zest to life. Keeping a smile in disappointments can become a science. Disappointments like, Alabama losing to LSU 21 to 24. It's McElroy, I'm telling you - that quarterback is the weak link. But we're not going to talk about that now...

Good things like snuggling on the sofa with my little man (that would be David, my brother, who is seven). We watched Beauty and the Beast. Yes, I made him watch it...and he enjoyed it! However, I felt like I was being swept back into my childhood. I was Belle. I remember every word to the songs and every dramatic movement.

"I want much more than this provential life!
I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere!
I want it more than I can tell!
And for once it would be grand,
To have someone understand...
I want so much more than they have planned!"

The thrill and desire I felt from that has not changed since I was a very little girl. I know now, what did not know then, that God shaped my heart and desires to - GO! I want so much more then the "provincial life" or even the American dream. I have no desire to live the life most Americans are content to settle for. I don't want to go to school to get a degree, so I can get a job that I don't like, so I can pay off my student loans, get a credit card, pay off that, get a mortgage, buy a house, and pay that off, until I am exhausted and unfulfilled with half of my life gone,  or run into bankruptcy and foreclosure and lose everything. In between are all the costs of taxes, insurance, and family life.

I know - it will always cost to live. And God said, by the sweat of a man's brow will he eat. God rewards hard work - but He also rewards those who trust in Him first, and not in money or work or material fulfillment. When I think of America, I think of Ezekiel 16:49 - "Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy." It grieves my heart, that this is direction my country is heading, but I know it is not my calling to fix it. There's an island country, over a thousand miles away, where exactly three years ago I buried my heart. I used to weep over that unknown country as a young girl, "Why God - won't you tell me where you want me to go?" What a relief to know beyond a shadow of a doubt where He desires me - but what a burden to bear.

It is clear and evident, as He keeps pulling me back, that I am not finished here. I am content to let Him finish His work in me here, to sit still and wait, to prepare and minister here however He wants me to. It is too big a burden to always look to the future - to desire what is not His will for this season. What freedom to let Him figure everything out, and rest in my life now.

What a rambling post this became...see how easily my mind and words turn to Haiti. In my world of barbecue, politics, football, family, piano recitals, debate tournaments, church and Bible studies - always on the forefront of my mind is another task, another burden, another life for me...that I know God is preparing.

Map tann...

To Carly

Dear Carly,

One year ago today, you went home to be with Jesus. I know there is no time where you are, but it seems to pass so quickly down here. It is a beautiful day today. Everything is a golden brown, and the sun is so warm in a bright, blue sky. It is not a day for grief, but for rejoicing. I have been so blessed to know your family, and I am glad I got to see and spend time with you, before Jesus took you back.

I stopped by your grave today. I love the verse that your Mommy and Daddy chose to put on your headstone:
"I have glorified Thee on earth: I have finished the work which Thou gavest me to do." John 17:4
Your life truly glorified God, in your short twelve years on earth. Every time I think of you, your story reminds me of the beauty, sanctity and value of human life. And how much more effort we need to do, to invest and save many other precious lives. Although you did not speak a word or walk a step your entire life - you did more evangelizing than most Christians! Because of you, your Mommy and Daddy know Jesus - and many, many more have given Him glory! It is such a sorry, ugly place down here. Many people would have looked at you as a burden to society. They think it would have been better if you had died as a baby. But they are ignorant, and do not know the truth. God puts high value on innocence. And you were made in the image of an Almighty God. He has made you perfect in His time, just as He promised to do! The only thing that hasn't changed about you, I am sure, is your beautiful smile.

I know your Mommy misses you very much. I have seen her tears, pretty girl, and I know you have too. The grief is very near. But we all know you are far, far better where you are, then you were on this earth. We all miss you and share your family's pain of losing you, just as we are called to do as the body of Christ.

Won't it be wonderful, when we can all share in the joy of that Heavenly Reunion?

Live joyfully, Carly T. You are with Jesus now.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Of Caves and Yokels

Since I am faced with the depressing reality that my old blog is gone forever and everything I ever wrote on it is lost in cyberspace as well, I do have the exhilarating ambition to do this blog "differently." I suppose when I say differently I mean - more honest. Social websites are the perfect place to put on a mask and hide behind words. It is easy to fall into the trap. Not that my day to day life is exactly - effervescent with interest. Still, there are exciting things to find in this town and secrets to uncover. And what better place to expose secrets then on the internet, right?

I like secrets.

Well, I like discovering secrets. Other people's secrets. Yes, I am nosy. But dead people don't care, right?

OK, I will explain my cryptic post. Ever since I returned from my recent trip to Haiti, I have gotten a renewed sense of belonging here in my hometown. It was almost as if I always got pulled back and ended up here in this funny little town, full of interesting people, rich history and it's own very definite and distinctive culture. So, I decided to settle down mentally for a while and see what happens. When I told God that, I was referring to starting relationships with people, finding more opportunities witnessing for Him, helping build up our family business etc...What I did not expect was to be dragged into a historic mystery spurred on by local legend and my own morbid curiosity.

Have you ever been in a cave? I haven't, but I am going to. Not one that is already found and is open to the public - that is far too boring. I am going to find it first. Behind old cemeteries and historic statues are perfect places for secret tunnel entrances and I am also going to get to the bottom of the mystery on why it was sealed up in the first place and forgotten about. (And how do cave owners end up getting kidnapped in South America?) And - if my original hunch was right, and the information I have received from a "local yokel",there is a big, missing "track" of the Underground Railroad, right underneath our dinky little town. So, it doesn't surprise me when I saw the paragraph about the K.K.K. in that 1922 newspaper article in the library archives.

Yeah, you're interested now - aren't you? Well, when I find out more, and put together more hunches,  I will be sure to write about it.

I can't disappoint my large audience, now can I?

Made to Love

"The dream is fading, now I'm staring at the door
I know it's over 'cause my feet have hit the cold floor
Check my reflection, I ain't feelin' what I see
It's no mystery.

Whatever happened to the passion I could live for?
What became of the flame that made me feel more?
And when did I forget

That I was made to love You, I was made to find You,
I was made just for You, made to adore You,
I was made to love and be loved by You?

You were here before me, You were waiting on me,
And You said You'd keep me, never would You leave me,
I was made to love and be loved by You...

Anything, I would give up for You,
Everything, I'd give it all away,
Anything, I would give up for You,
Everything, I'd give it all away..."

"For the LORD thy God is a consuming fire, even a jealous God." Deuteronomy 4:24 "...Yea, have I loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindess have I drawn you." Jeremiah 31:3 "Whom have I in heaven beside You? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside You. My flesh and my heart fails, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:25-26